Episode 23: Monster Buddies

“Your mother
would be so proud.”

Monster Buddies summarizes its conflict
in all of fifteen seconds: after opening on a crumbling mountain, we see all
four Crystal Gems facing off against an ice ogre. The monster’s on the ropes,
and Garnet and Pearl are raring to destroy it and move on, but when a piece of
debris injures the beast, Steven’s first thought is “Yikes! Your arm…”

It isn’t news
that Steven is the oddball of the Crystal Gems. Unless he somehow undoes his
human heritage and rapidly ages thousands of years, this distinction is never
going to go away. And that’s a good thing! He’s the Robin to the Gems’
collective Batman, bound to become a Gem variant of Nightwing instead of a
perfect replica of his heroes, and who doesn’t love Dick Grayson? Nobody whose
opinion matters, that’s who.

(Unless you
don’t love him because you don’t read comics, which I guess is understandable.)

The contrast
between Steven and the Gems is a source of motivation, with Steven longing to
prove himself and fit in better with the team, and the Gems acting as kind but distant
ideals of what he should strive to become. Even when they falter, the Gems are
always working for the greater good, and set an example for a student of heroism.

Monster Buddies changes that. We’ve seen
that the Gems can be flawed, but never before have they been so uniformly in
the wrong, and Steven so clearly in the right, on a major moral issue. Episodes
like Rose’s Room and Beach Party portray their missteps as
cluelessness, and Coach Steven’s
Sugilite has two of the three go overboard out of enthusiasm, but their reaction to
the Centipeetle is strictly a matter of prejudice. The Gems know exactly what
they’re doing, and they’re still wrong.

Millennia of
battling corrupted Gems have, in a way, corrupted our Gems as well, leaving
certain opinions set in stone (the geology puns will never end). When Steven
accidentally unleashes the Mother Centipeetle from way back in Gem Glow, albeit in a weirdly adorable
fun-sized version, their instinct is to destroy her. Pearl’s protective streak
turns ugly, targeting the potential threat to Steven with a heretofore unseen
vindictiveness. Amethyst’s on the fence, mostly excited to taunt Pearl when her
objections are overruled by Garnet, but is all too quick to get in a scrap
when push comes to shove. And while Garnet makes a solid attempt at letting
Steven help, she doesn’t see the obvious connection between her gauntlets and
the Centipeetle freaking out, and chooses violence. Their battle with the frightened creature is
tough to watch—they’re essentially beating an abused dog—and Steven’s horrified reaction makes it even worse. We know the Centipeetle’s not
really a monster, and the Gems would too if they took a second to see her the way
Steven does.

This is one of
those episodes that has a fishy grasp on Future Vision. Garnet ostensibly knows
the Centipeetle can be reformed from the get-go, and as her gauntlets are the direct cause
of her final outburst, surely she saw in all the timelines she scoped out that
the reaction begins when the gloves come out. Did the writers not know or
care about Garnet’s powers in this one, or did Garnet know the Centipeetle would
sacrifice herself and just…let it happen? I choose to go with staff
inconsistency, because otherwise Garnet’s actions are uncharacteristically
brutal.

(It’s worth noting that her Future Vision explicitly advises against Steven helping Centy in Monster Reunion, only to be proven wrong; perhaps Garnet just has a literal blind spot when it comes to corruption.)

Pearl’s
relationship with Steven during the mission is an interesting mirror to Cheeseburger Backpack, as she seems to
be taking point again (for instance, ordering Garnet to use
her gauntlets to nab the Shooting Star). Just like their adventure in the Lunar
Sea Spire, Steven’s wacky solutions trump Pearl’s more thoughtful approach,
frustrating and confusing her at every obstacle. Even her enthusiasm for the
Shooting Star is identical to her gushing over the Sea Spire’s history. But
because she’s already on edge, she doesn’t get Cheeseburger Backpack’s moment of letting go and rooting for Steven.
Instead, she doubles down and jumps at the opportunity to attack his new
friend.

I’m not sure how
intentional the connection is, but considering Cheeseburger Backpack is the reference point that The Test uses to show Steven’s failure
of a first mission, seeing Steven succeed in a similar scenario highlights his budding
competence. He’s growing fast, even learning how to bubble objects, and the Gems’ inability to see this will soon become a running theme, such as in Warp Tour and buildup to The Return. It’s another example of the Gems’ prejudice: Steven has always been a screw-up, so they’re slow to realize he’s different from before.

It’s understandable that the Gems are loath to accept change when their lives were stagnant for thousands of years. But this is the first big episode to reveal that stubbornness is their greatest collective flaw. How perfect is that for a sentient pile of rocks?

So then, what makes
Steven different from the Gems? His age and species are a given, but Garnet eventually adds that he’s just
like his mother, and I consider that just as important.

The difference between Rose and her fellow Gems is the same as Steven’s: they both love humans, and are more capable of change.

The new viewer doesn’t know it, but Lapis Lazuli is coming, and
just like Coach Steven, Monster Buddies primes us to question
the Gems’ virtues during Mirror Gem’s
world-shattering climax. But the Rose connection ties directly to the development of Steven as an agent of change, which is just as crucial to the upcoming bombshell. He’s always been one to try and fix things, even if it’s just for
himself (messing with timelines for Steven
and the Stevens), or for revenge (the prank in Joking
Victim). The remaining episodes leading up to Mirror Gem are key in evolving him from a helper to a healer; it’s no coincidence that Monster Buddies
and next episode An Indirect Kiss
stress this aspect of Rose’s legacy.

The bonding
scenes between Steven and the Centipeetle go far beyond our similar training sequence with Lion, focusing less on gags and more on Steven’s
gentle approach and the Centipeetle’s understandable nervousness. Their relationship feels less inevitable than Steven and Lion’s, as this is still a monster we’re talking about, and a plot could easily go in a direction where she accidentally hurts him. I’m not saying there’s too much suspense, but there’s certainly more here than in similar hangout sequences in Steven’s Lion, Cat Fingers, and Steven the Sword Fighter.

The chips-and-squawk method Steven develops is as sweet as it is hilarious, and his excitement over training his new friend so quickly does a lot to excuse his
gleefully ill-advised acid attack on the Gems. Just imagine the Steven of Serious Steven displaying this level of patience and understanding. I love
the way the kid has grown, maintaining the same level of innocence but
redirecting it towards a positive end.

I almost hate
this episode, given how much it makes you care about Steven and Centy before
that gut punch of an ending. And it gets even sadder after watching Monster Reunion and Legs From Here to Homeworld, which tease at a happy resolution only to further damn Steven’s friend to a life as a monster. Perhaps the Diamonds’ corruption will be fixed more permanently, but until then, the Monster series will be great, but hard to watch. It’s Jurassic Bark on literal acid.

Future Vision!

In just three episodes, we’ll learn the corrupted Gems were once like our heroes. For now, we get this:

The Shooting Star has yet to be fired, but it does blow up an alternate future in Winter Forecast.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

A great one, but I do base favorites on ones I love rewatching, and I’m not so into rewatching pets getting killed, even if it’s temporary. I acknowledge it’s well done, but by the suffering metric some points are knocked off.

Top Five

Steven and the Stevens
Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Lion 2 The Movie
Rose’s Room

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon
Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire

Like ‘em

Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party
Monster Buddies

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion
Joking Victim

Episode 22: Steven and the Stevens

This is my favorite episode of Steven Universe.

It isn’t too deep, and barely hints at the greater mythology to come. Beloved characters like Connie and the Great and Lovable Peridot are no-shows. There are no fusions. There are no references to Rose. None of that stops it from being my favorite episode of Steven Universe.

Steven and the Stevens is loosely based on the show’s pilot, which I actually watched when it was first released due to Rebecca Sugar’s reputation on Adventure Time. The pilot’s characters are rougher, both in attitude and design, with Steven being openly mean to Lars, and the Gems (mostly Pearl, of all people) being openly mean to Steven. Lars has black hair, Garnet has less hair, and Pearl trades her nose for a Ziggy Stardust getup. It’s pretty good, but gives little indication of how amazing the series proper will become.

The similarity is in the Glass of Time (or “Time Thing”) Steven acquires. In the pilot, Steven uses another time travelling trinket to counter Lars’s insults with sweet comebacks he thinks of in the future, but in both cases the device is fueled by regret. Reusing the artifact makes for a cool callback to the show’s past in an episode about time travel, but the association also signifies how much Steven and the Stevens feels like a pilot, even more than the pilot itself.

When I’m introducing Steven Universe to someone new, Steven and the Stevens is the first episode I show them, because it’s as perfect an encapsulation of the series and the four core leads as we’re likely to ever get. Despite its amazing worldbuilding, themes, music, and style, the key to the show’s success will always be as simple as this:

“Steven and the Crystal Gems are gonna make you smile.”

Character is everything to a show about relationships, and more than any other episode, Steven and the Stevens nails our main characters at a primal level. Want an episode with a great Steven? Check. Great Gem interactions? Check. Greg cameo? Check. I’d go so far as to call this a companion piece to our next Great Character Episode, Hit the Diamond (which, spoiler alert, is my second-favorite) for how much fun it is to hang out with our heroes.

Want anything else? Songs? Here’s three of ‘em! Magical setting or Beach City? Both! Comedy? How about light, dark, and everything between?

The opening sequence introduces the Crystal Gems better than any other episode, including the entirety of Gem Glow. In their quest to choose the ~~Holy Grail~~ Glass of Time in a room full of impostors, each character reveals key truths through their selections.

Steven’s ideal treasure is small, unassuming, and practical enough to fit in his pocket. Pearl’s ideal treasure is “elegant and grand,” which she explains using more words than the rest of her teammates combined. Garnet’s ideal treasure is the biggest one in the room, and her simple statements ooze confidence in her strength; Pearl then exposits about the warp pad (and the magic this implies is compounded by an outside shot revealing the team is deep underwater), and reveals the Gems go on nutty missions like this routinely (considering there was a “last time”). Immediately after Pearl’s appeal to caution, Amethyst impulsively chooses the “janky one,” which dooms the temple and highlights the pair’s contrasting natures.

When the Sea Shrine begins to collapse, Garnet’s the one who pulls Steven from danger, a feat she repeats with superpowers when he goes back for his chosen glass. So yeah, they have superpowers! Then Pearl frets while Amethyst laughs off the danger, but both soon urge Garnet to hurry when Steven’s in danger, revealing an equal love for him. Pearl praises Garnet, and the four warp away as the temple bursts.

In just seventy-five seconds, we learn everything we need to know about the Crystal Gems, as magical explorers, as teammates, as friends, and as guardians of humanity (in this case, Steven). They each have time to shine on their own and play off each other. Magic exists, and it’s fun, but also dangerous. They get the job done, even under pressure, and the show they’re in is gonna have plenty of action. And most importantly, Steven may be childish, but ultimately his gut will pay off: of course the pure of heart has chosen wisely.

The aftermath in Steven’s room keeps up the pace, with information and laughter in equal measure. We learn that the Gems are at least a hundred years old, adding extra mythology with a second helping of jokes (Estelle’s deadpan “You have a lobster on your butt” for younger viewers and deaderpan “…Palooza” for older ones). Their interactions are riddled with little moments that breathe life into the characters, like Amethyst slurping up her fish and Steven holding the door for a wayward crab. In Gem Glow and the introductory run, the three Gems are archetypes. Here, they instantly feel like real people. In Gem Glow and the introductory run, Steven’s kind of annoying. Here, he’s nothing but sweet, if a little naive, and self-aware enough to make a major discovery about himself. God I love this episode.

Gem Glow does have this much in common with Steven and the Stevens: just like Cookie Cat, the song Steven will soon sing is foreshadowed by his humming the tune as he travels Beach City, adding weight to his music by confirming that he actually thought it up beforehand. It’s especially apt here, as he’s working on a song for Beach-a-Palooza, and while I don’t mind the heightened reality of sudden musical numbers like Strong in the Real Way, I wish this down-to-earth approach to music happened more often in the show. It’s such a clever touch.

From here, we have a Simpsons-esque bait-and-switch plot. The Glass of Time and Greg’s fat boat woes prime us for an episode where Steven rewrites the past to solve his problems, but it only takes one try for the car wash to explode and for Steven to learn his lesson. So instead, he decides to hang out with his past self. It’s actually a clone episode!

Even then, we veer from the standard Cloneplot (character creates copies to be in two or more places at once), which is a relief considering Gravity Falls already told an outstanding version of this story in Double Dipper. In a world as weird as Steven’s, nobody’s gonna bat an eye at his newfound brothers, so he uses his bonus Stevens to start a band.

The secret behind the success of comedy singers like Weird Al and The Lonely Island is that they’re legitimately talented performers. The joke is always in the lyrics, not in any inability to sing or rap them. Such is the case here, where Zach Callison gets to show off his excellent singing voice with the second opportunity to harmonize with himself in three episodes.

It’s both hilarious and in-character that every iteration of Steven instantly accepts the plan to form a band. Even better is their immediate decision to name the Original Steven (henceforth Handsome Steven) the leader. This character, and thus these characters, are naturally agreeable and used to the unusual, and it streamlines all the boring routine from a Cloneplot while telling us a lot about who Steven is.

Of course, the clones have to rebel at some point, but they do in a vaudevillian wonder of an argument, where boy band roles are set up only to fall apart within seconds. Handsome Steven’s exasperation with himselves is that major discovery I mentioned. In a line that’s music to my ears, the doomed leader opines a sentiment that pretty much disappears after this episode: “I can’t believe it…I’m so…annoying!”

Handsome Steven will explode into bubbles in the hands of Regular Steven, but apparently the message was psychically conveyed (a classic psychic/ghost type situation?), because this is basically the end of Annoying Steven. He’s not even irritating in Steven and the Stevens, but it’s as if the writers are speaking directly to us. This is it for the self-absorbed and socially moronic side of our hero; with one or two jarring exceptions down the line, the empathy machine we all love is what we’ll get from now on. What a relief.

This revelation is followed by the episode’s second song, and while adding a go-with-the-flow Amethyst on drums and putting a frantic time-travelling montage in the foreground was the right call, you really oughtta listen to Big Fat Meanie Zucchini in its uninterrupted glory. The brilliance with which the Stevens’ rant devolves into a cooking metaphor is matched only by storyboarder Jeff Liu’s killer guitar work.

The buildup to the montage is great, with the pitch-perfect child logic of “Steven and the Stevens was my idea!” and Handsome Steven’s fraying character model. But the montage itself is even better, with Stevens piling up and taking over scenes from Gem Glow, Rose’s Room, and the upcoming empty sea of Ocean Gem.

(This sequence may be a little funnier if these past episodes have been seen, but it’s not a big enough deal to stop me from showing this one first. Also, Gravity Falls did the gag better, with time traveler Blendin Blandin actually appearing as a cameo in the episodes he warps to, so there. Gravity Falls is a really good show, people.)

It all ends not only with a massive brawl, but with the shockingly morbid destruction of the Stevens. Handsome Steven’s heartfelt speech does nothing to prepare us for the massive death toll his actions cause, and Original Steven’s horror sells the scene even further.

Steven Universe has done horror-as-humor before, but this takes the cake for how sudden and gruesome it is. Here’s Steven holding the remains of his own future self as the Sea Spire collapses:

And just as suddenly, we veer back into the show’s upbeat conclusion, albeit with lyrics that match the tone of the massacre our hero just witnessed.

I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t want to watch more Steven Universe after seeing this episode. I love it and I’m not even sorry my list of top episodes from now on will be a fight for second.

Future Vision!

One of my favorite hints that Garnet is a fusion is her keytar, itself a fusion of a piano with a guitar. This is a show that can make keytars even cooler than they already are!
Garnet’s Stretch Armstrong trick comes back with a vengeance in Secret Team.
Anyone who thinks it’s a little too convenient that the Crystal Gems can play instruments will get their nitpicks answered in We Need to Talk.
This isn’t our last Beach-a-Palooza; an in-universe year from now Steven will sing Sadie’s Song in her place, and the mayoral debate in Dewey Wins incorporates Mayor Dewey’s habit of repurposing signs to give us ~~Beach~~Speech-a-Palooza.

If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have inconsistencies…

The only thing that really bugs me about this episode is Greg’s meta line about Beach City’s population being “like fifteen people.” It gives the show’s setting an artificial video game town feel, and ignores all the shots of house rows throughout the series. (This also comes back in Dewey Wins, where Dewey laments that twelve people is half the town.)
This is a nitpick that I don’t actually mind, but man, the Sea Spire sure takes a while to collapse the second time through. That whole end fight sequence takes place between Steven grabbing the Glass of Time and the walls breaking.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Did I stutter?

Top Five

Steven and the Stevens
Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Lion 2 The Movie
Rose’s Room

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon
Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire

Like ‘em

Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion
Joking Victim

Episode 21: Joking Victim

“Just once, I’d
like to burn him back.”

Any episode that comes after Coach Steven is probably going to be a step down, so I’m some ways I’m glad they shoved Joking Victim in there so the high of its predecessor can amp it up a little.

Oh, Lars. Coach Steven actually used him well as a minor character, but the reason he works there is the same reason he’s awful here. There’s an important rule for Lars that I’ve noticed throughout the first three seasons:

When things happen to him and it causes him to act like a jerk, I think he’s interesting, but
When he acts like a jerk and it causes things to happen to him, I think he’s boring.

This is at odds with how comedy usually works. Folks love seeing jerks get taken down a peg (see: Looney Tunes). I can’t say for certain why Lars is different for me, but my theory is that he’s a little too realistic and low-key mean. If he were more of a cartoon (so to speak) there’d be more pleasure in seeing karma take its toll, but as it is, his attitude doesn’t make me hate him enough to seek punishment. It just makes me not want to hang out with him, and watching him suffer is still hanging out with him. There are too many good characters on Steven Universe to waste an episode on Jerk Phase Lars, even if he’s getting his comeuppance.

In Coach Steven, we see enough of Lars getting pestered by Steven for his crankiness to be warranted. In Joking Victim, Steven again causes him misery, but only in the form of a minor slip, which Lars uses to immediately turn nasty, taking advantage of Sadie for no external reason. He’s just a naturally selfish person, and that may be realistic, but it’s not fun or interesting to watch.

The premise of the episode is that Sadie sees some good in him, but that doesn’t work if we don’t see some good in him in the episode. The whole plot is spent wanting Sadie to set her sights higher, but the show seems to have no intention of going that route, instead showing his irascibility as something she’s occasionally attracted to. She’s the frog to Lars’s scorpion (he even switches out his Ekans tee for a scorpion shirt); try as she might to change his nature, she’s just gonna get stung.

Maybe past episodes have shown a hint of Lars’s heart, but as a single episode, Joking Victim falls into the pitfall of telling and not showing. A flashback over Sadie’s tale of waiting in line and playing video games all night (and maybe implied smooching?) would’ve done wonders. It would make us see Lars as Sadie does, even if we don’t share her feelings, and make her climactic speech all the more powerful. Instead, we have to take her word for it that he’s worth caring about, and that’s just not good television. Sadie’s great, and she shines in this episode, but she deserves better plots than this.

While Lars keeps it from being a good episode (by Steven standards), at least it’s a funny one. The highlight is Mr. Smiley’s Do or Donut, which was silly enough before my roommates introduced me to the Wendy’s training video it parodies, but obviously becomes comedy gold after knowing the reference. Sinbad gives it his all in the video, and turns out to be a good sport when Steven all but calls Smiley a has-been considering the comedian’s low post-90′s profile. Beyond the video itself, Steven’s reaction to it and his love of work evokes the best of early Spongebob. Passion for the service industry just gets funnier the older you get.

Steven backpedals a bit in Joking Victim, with more enthusiasm than usual at the expense of his social intelligence. He can’t read between Sadie’s lines and doesn’t care to try, and doesn’t know when to stop talking. It’s hardly as bad as the Annoying Steven heyday, as this stupidity is well-intentioned, but alongside an underdeveloped Lars the whole thing feels like it should’ve aired earlier in the series. But it couldn’t have, as he wouldn’t be hanging out with the Cool Kids. What a mess!

I’ve made it clear by now that I’ve got issues with Lars, but of all the problems he has, I should note that voice acting isn’t one of them. Matthew Moy’s job is usually portraying frustration, which he excels at, but he gets a chance to go a step further once his character eats that donut. Comic screaming is an underrated skill, as the tone can easily veer too serious to be funny or so silly that you don’t feel the pain; also, professional screaming is rough on the throat. Moy’s scream work is just fantastic, both frantically funny and full of understandable rage.

The fire sequence as a whole is pretty great, taking what appears to be a cartoonish reaction to spicy food only to reveal that Lars is literally breathing fire (the Fire Salt is from Amethyst so I guess it’s magic). This lets us have a glorious Mayor Dewey cameo, whose giant bowl of ice cream keeps Beach City weird even when the Gems aren’t involved.

Also it lets the title Joking Victim fulfill its destiny as a pun on “choking victim,” so that gets some points.

Amethyst fills in for all three Gems this time, and while she’s barely in it, her apathy towards Steven’s troubles and Michaela Dietz’s killer read on “Steven…that’s hilarious” are all we need.

So yes, this episode’s got laughs, but that should be a given for this show. It’s got a rotten core in a thoroughly unsympathetic Lars and a plot that makes little sense due to undeveloped relationships. Maybe I’d believe Sadie sees something in Lars if I saw something worth believing in. The New Lars and The Good Lars can’t come fast enough.

Future Vision!

Man, that VCR would sure gonna come in handy if Steven was to find a videotape in Lion’s mane or something.
Frozen donuts will finally be replaced by fresh ones by Steven Floats, when the lawsuit over the, erm, incident is concluded.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Rewatching this episode is just a chore, given how great its immediate surroundings are. Not even Purple Puma can make up for its flaws.

Oh well, it’s the last bad episode until the midseason finale, at least!

Top Five

Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Lion 2 The Movie
Rose’s Room
Laser Light Cannon

Love ‘em

Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire

Like ‘em

Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion
Joking Victim

Episode 20: Coach Steven

“I know that we can be strong in the real way.”

If there’s a
better thesis statement for Steven
Universe than that, I certainly haven’t heard it.

Let’s talk about Deedee
Magno Hall. Like Garnet’s Estelle, Magno Hall has a musical background, debuting in The New Mickey Mouse Club in the late eighties before founding pop band The Party with some fellow mouseketeers (future grads of the show include Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera, and Britney Spears). Most of her career has been on stage, headlining tours of shows like Miss Saigon and Wicked. Her voice acting experience before 2013 was limited, and primarily sung.

Given Pearl’s design and initial behavior, she could have so easily been voiced as a nasal nag or a dull stick-in-the-mud. Instead, Magno Hall cuts right to the core of the character with every line: from her nerdy exposition to her fierce protective streak, Pearl’s passion is as intense as firebrand Amethyst’s, but tempered by her intellect and her grief. We may not know about Pearl’s feelings for her departed leader, but it’s nonetheless clear she’s feeling them throughout the show, and Magno Hall nails this emotional state so well that even Pearl’s roll call in the theme song is quavering and wistful. Her voice soothes (and/or condescends) when things go well and sputters when they don’t, unless she’s just too sad to get worked up about it.

Steven Universe has an amazing roster of voice actors, especially considering the lack of veteran talent that comes standard with most cartoons (your Tara Strongs, your Steve Blums, your Grey DeLisle/Griffins). Estelle is amazing. Michaela Dietz is amazing. Grace Rolek is amazing. Tom Scharpling is amazing. Kate Micucci and Matthew Moy and Zachary Steel are amazing. Zach Callison is amazing. We haven’t even gotten a chance to hear the amazing work of Jennifer Paz or Shelby Rabara or AJ Michalka or Charlyne Yi or Erica Luttrell or Kimberly Brooks or Susan Egan (barring one line). Patti LuPone is on this show.

But with sincere apologies to such an outstanding cast,

I’m not content with just calling Deedee Magno Hall’s acting “one of the best” or even “a highlight.” No, I contend that she’s the MVVA (most valuable voice actor) of the series, and Coach Steven is Exhibit A. This is an episode that features a gigantic rage monster voiced by Nicki flippin’ Minaj, but it’s DDMH that steals the show.

Yes, Rebecca Sugar’s reliably great lyrics do a lot of the work, and Zach Callison is no slouch for his rockin’ half of the song, but Deedee Magno Hall can make you believe that something as mundane as picking up after a messy kid is a sign of strength. Where most characters in the show might want things, Pearl is mostly driven by longing for things that she thinks or knows she can’t have. And, as showcased by this song and this episode, Magno Hall can yearn with the best of them.

Pearl’s fragile appearance and usual role as teacher blend well with her actress’s ability to convey that pining, making her the ideal character to convey Steven Universe’s defining moral after a streak of lesson-dodging episodes:

True strength is doing the right thing, no matter how hard or how boring or how painful it is, and
Healthy relationships strive to achieve this strength, and ideally make it easier to attain.

The first half is clear, and the second will be given a bit more depth in Strong in the Real Way’s sister song Stronger Than You come Estelle’s turn. (Can we get a StrongSong for Amethyst please? She needs more songs and word on the street is that Michaela Dietz is amazing.) But even here, the importance of togetherness is emphasized both in the episode as a whole and in the header quote’s vital pronoun, “we.” Pearl doesn’t just want Steven to be strong, she wants the two of them to be strong together, because she’s riddled with self-doubt and envy. Being strong in the real way requires a constant effort that doesn’t stop when you’re an adult, or even when you’re thousands of years old. But despite her worries and mistakes, Pearl always keeps trying, and that’s what makes her a hero.

Would you believe there’s more to this episode than Pearl? Did I mention the part where Nicki Minaj plays a gigantic rage monster?

The animation for Coach Steven is gorgeous, particularly in the elastic style of the first act. This portrayal of Steven’s bounding energy, Pearl’s exaggerated smile, and Garnet and Amethyst’s smooth, sensual fusion dance gives the opening sequence an extra dose of magic, and highlights the dull normalcy of Steven’s Beach City adventure when he has to leave new idol Sugilite behind.

To be honest, I’d say Nicki Minaj flubs the line “That’s the plan, where should I start?” by ignoring the comma I graciously provided. But that nitpick aside, she’s the perfect fit for Sugilite, following the tradition of singers-as-fusions and capturing the character’s drunken confidence and incredible power. If we compare fusions to the Greek pantheon, Opal might be the nimble hunter Artemis, but Sugilite is definitely Dionysus. (Sardonyx can be Aphrodite, Goddess of Showoffs.)

On top of owning another ingenious weapon fusion in her flail, Sugilite shines in her role as the first uncorrupted yet unambiguously antagonistic Gem. This has never been a series to shy away from nuance, and seeing characters that are not only heroes but parent figures go rogue when combined is something few other cartoons have the stones to pull off (geology pun intended, obviously). The next five episodes are spent quietly bracing us for the paradigm shift of Mirror Gem, and Sugilite is a vital first impression that Gems aren’t universally Good.

Steven’s awed reaction to Amethyst shapeshifting into his muscular doppelganger (again, beautiful animation) telegraphs his hero-worship of Sugilite, symbolized throughout the episode by his new sunglasses.

His desire to get beefy to keep up with her is backed up by Sadie, who ropes in a complaining but surprisingly game Lars. Rounding out the workout gang is the ever-reliable Greg, and Steven acquits himself as a motivator despite not actually knowing how to exercise. His inspirational leadership, based on enthusiasm over experience and rendering no actual authority, wonderfully evokes the role he’s cultivating among the Crystal Gems; Sadie, Lars, and Greg even match the Stout/Lean/Big dynamic of Amethyst, Pearl, and Garnet, because this show loves its Gem analogs.

The climactic battle, as in Steven the Sword Fighter, revels in Pearl’s tactical approach to combat. After getting pummeled in a direct approach, it takes Steven’s practiced coaching to get her on her feet. And then this happens:

So many things are going on here. Pearl silently formulates her plan: to lure Sugilite to the top of the hill and trick her into conking herself on the head. But she’s also looking straight from Steven to an icon of a bygone fusion that once included his mother, whom she loved. A fusion that, like Sugilite, she doesn’t get to be a part of (anymore)—and as we’ll learn in the Sardonyx arc, that’s a real sore spot for Pearl. This moment gets better and better the more we know about the character, and it’s done without a word.

While Strong in the Real Way is the musical fulcrum of the episode, Aivi and Surasshu add two more fantastic background tracks to the mix in Sugilite’s introduction (whose fusion dance simply adds Amethyst’s drumkit to Garnet’s synth bass track from Gem Glow) and the final battle, melding Sugilite’s new theme, Pearl’s piano, and a callback to Strong in the Real Way that slips in for Steven’s pivotal words of inspiration. Even the headline song improves as raw audio, which amplifies the stellar instrumentation and Steven’s hilarious megaphone-based harmony.

Giant Woman all but promised that fusion episodes were going to stand out, and Coach Steven skyrockets past that expectation. I haven’t even talked about how funny it is, or how well Garnet and Amethyst are characterized in their scant moments on screen. There’s just too much good going on. Oh well!

Future Vision!

As mentioned, Cry For Help and the Sardonyx arc as a whole reveal quite a bit more about Pearl that informs her behavior here—and it begins in the exact same spot as this episode’s first act.
Also in Cry For Help: Amethyst’s song (again, give her more songs!) gets a great callback to Sugilite’s first line: “I forgot how great it felt to be us.”

If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have inconsistencies…

I mean, lying isn’t at all inconsistent with Lars’s character, but come on buddy, you know Steven’s seen you without a shirt on. You ain’t foolin’ no one with that six-pack talk.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Yeah, I think we’ve gotten enough episodes to have a Top Five list.

Top Five

Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Lion 2 The Movie
Rose’s Room
Laser Light Cannon

Love ‘em

Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire

Like ‘em

Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion

Episode 19: Rose’s Room

“What do you want, Steven?”

Children’s media
loves dead parents, because they make storytelling so much more convenient. We instantly
empathize with the offspring, and get to focus on a child hero without all that pesky
adult interference. I mean, it’s only one of the most traumatizing events a child of
any age can go through, so why not exploit it for a narrative shortcut?

If I sound
cynical, it’s in response to a cynical trend. Even when the story’s done well, dead parents often end up in the same character ruts. Take Avatar: The Last Airbender, one of the greatest kid’s shows of all time: the absence of Katara and Sokka’s mother is thematically sound in emphasizing the brutality of war, and develops the siblings in consistent
and rooted ways. Nothing about her death feels cheap, because so much care is shown to portray its aftermath in a meaningful way. But even here, the deceased party remains a one-dimensional angel of a woman. The only thing we know about her is that she was Good, and while that makes sense given she’s shown through the lens of her young children, she ultimately feels more like a plot device than a real person. Only the good parents die young.

This is why, as I’ve
mentioned in other reviews, Steven
Universe’s portrayal of Rose Quartz as a flawed figure is
fascinating. And I’d argue it’s never more fascinating than when we visit her room: the longer we stay, the more it warps from wonderland to horrorfest. It’s already groundbreaking to show that Steven’s mother was nuanced, but it’s a whole other step to make such a big part of her legacy this early in the show a decidedly negative experience.

The mood of this episode is all over the place, and I mean that in the best way. We see Steven at his default state of excitement as the story begins. We see him focused and determined as he pulls an all-nighter playing Golf Quest Mini (another example of why the creative team should make more games: this game thought to combine RPGs and Mario Golf years before Golf Story came out). We see him frustrated when the Gems interrupt him, then angry when ruin his game; both emotions are understandable from the Gems’ obliviousness and his exhaustion, but are noticeably distant from his usual M.O.

Then he enters his mother’s room, and shifts from amazement to confusion to discomfort to terror. And then right back to happy again for the ending, no sweat. Steven really goes through the ringer in Rose’s Room, and at this point he’s developed enough that we’re right there with him every step of the way. We don’t just observe him, we empathize with his well-reasoned and well-portrayed emotional journey. This is compounded even further in rewatch, as we confirm that the funny little whale’s incongruously serious tone is actually the voice of his mother.

This is all to say that it’s too easy to just call this episode unsettling, because it hits far more emotions than that. Regardless, it has to be said, because by my reckoning this is the scariest episode of the series.

Frybo, Cat Fingers, and Onion’s various adventures use over-the-top monsters that are so frightening they’re funny, while later outings with the more serious Kindergarten and Gem Shards lack the crucial personal connection with Steven that haunts the room’s false Beach City. What’s more, because of everyday tone of the episode’s first half and the promise of a connection to Rose, the veer into horror isn’t just unexpected. It’s a betrayal.

The nightmare sequence turns our established perceptions of Beach City and its citizens against us. The dark sky and quiet streets are already out of place, but the true tone of the segment is clear from the moment we see Lars and Sadie

stand perfectly still, synced up in Stepford smiles with pupils that are just a little too big. And just in case you weren’t creeped out, their silence is broken with simultaneous chatter before they and slip backwards while remaining stiff, as if drawn by a cord.

The next people we see, Onion and Frybo, call back to the show’s previous forays into the genre, but in terms of outright scares they’ve got nothing on Connie. We know something’s wrong already, and suspense builds as the camera refuses to show her face. Steven catches on when the tides glitch out, and he’s just as disturbed as we are to see Connie’s blank-eyed form repeating a poorly-recorded loop of her once-sweet “He was incredible!” from Bubble Buddies.

As Steven flees through a sea of Beach City mannequins, their apostrophe-eyed stillness copping the style normally used for characters at a distance, Connie’s words and the eerie background music help reveal the episode’s secret weapon: sound. This episode shows a Samurai Jack-like fearlessness when it comes to silence, and Aivi and Surasshu’s soundtrack enhances the mood without ever dominating it. Quiet distortion reigns in this realm, until the jarring pops that amplify the world bursting out of existence.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Between fleeing from Connie and finally realizing that he’s not dreaming but trapped in the room, Steven’s pleas for help bring him to Greg. Their conversation is a miniature masterpiece of the uncanny: unlike anything else in this sequence, Greg seems totally normal at first, but slowly breaks down as things get complicated. His repetition of trite television dad-isms (dad-ism dadaism?) is funny at face value, ending with the legendary “Well the important thing is family and friendship honesty values and no one got arrested.” But the show doesn’t hide that it frightens Steven, and instead of the humor relieving the tension, it amplifies it. The horror in this episode is all about subverting the familiar, and nothing highlights this like fake Greg. And, of course, how brilliant and sad is it that of all the illusions in the room, its most detailed creation is Rose’s lover?

The back half is the meat of the episode for sure, but even beyond the majesty of Golf Quest Mini, the first half is terrific. Steven’s fleeting flight of fancy in the room before things go south is perfectly magical, and the Gems-as-antagonists thrive from their good intentions. And it all pays off in the minigolf ending, complete with Garnet in dadpants. This coda is a wild veer in an episode that excels at steady emotional evolution, and Steven’s kicker of “I always get what I want!” is a little clunky compared to previous subversions of kid show morals, but the scene is a much-needed jolt of joy after such a harrowing ordeal. Yeesh.

Future Vision!

The Wailing Stone tries to tell us it’s video, not audio, but instead the TV blows up. If only Greg was there to help.
Had enough creepy Rose’s Room Connie? If not, companion episode Open Book is sure to make your day!

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

It looks like every episode with the word “Rose” is gonna be pretty high up there. Glad I wasn’t young enough to get nightmares from this one.

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon
Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire
Giant Woman
Lion 2 The Movie
Rose’s Room

Like ‘em

Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion

“Your mother would be so proud.”

“Steven and the Crystal Gems are gonna make you smile.”

“Just once, I’d like to burn him back.”

“I know that we can be strong in the real way.”

“What do you want, Steven?”

“Your mother
would be so proud.”

“Just once, I’d
like to burn him back.”