Episode 82: Barn Mates

**“Things didn’t exactly work out for either of us.”**

The biggest shame of the infamous leaked promo of this episode is how shocking the premise was even five episodes ago. Peridot and Lapis Lazuli both began as antagonists, even if the former was on the road to reforming and the latter was sympathetic in her opposition to the Crystal Gems. An episode focusing on the first two new Gems we met, butting heads but not outright fighting, was something that would’ve been pretty difficult to see coming without Cartoon Network deciding to make it pretty easy to see coming. I’m not about to knock the episode itself for something out of its control, but it’s worth making a note of outright because of how damaging spoiled content can be for the enjoyment of a story, even years after the fact. I’m so grateful I avoided the mega leak of Season 5, I’d have been devastated.

Anyway. Peridot and Lapis. Two outcasts, both with exceptional debuts and wildly different arcs, together again at last.

While it’s been established that Lapis doesn’t get along with anyone but Steven, we haven’t seen her interact with any character but Steven for any extended period of time. And it turns out she’s a huge jerk! This isn’t a criticism, it makes perfect sense that she’s a huge jerk, but it’s fascinating that Peridot, who began as an outright villain and was an antisocial mess even after allying with the Crystal Gems, is the one who has our sympathies. She’s grown, but Lapis hasn’t.

Barn Mates at times feels perfunctory, leaning into traditional sitcom tropes like splitting a room in half while feeling formulaic in its “series of failures until a success” structure. It’s actually paced like Kindergarten Kid in this regard, and owes a lot to the Looney Tune formula of using the full runtime to tell a series of jokes, with the key difference being that the more hapless character in the pair (the Daffy Duck to the slick Bugs Bunny) gets a happy ending.

Still, it’s effective in telling a story about two characters who are bound to clash. While the episode makes clear that part of the issue is a failure to communicate, I think what matters more is that Peridot never genuinely apologizes to Lapis. She wants Lapis to understand that she’s changed, but she actually hasn’t changed enough to realize how important it is to say sorry and to mean it. The culminating speech is more about wanting to help Lapis through a rough transition, which is still nice, but it makes sense that Lapis remains mad at someone who appears to have no regrets about wronging her.

Steven at least pays lip service to the idea of Peridot apologizing, and she does try in her tone deaf letter, but we never get the sense that remorse is an actual factor at play. A lesson downplaying the importance of apologies isn’t ideal, but Peridot isn’t an ideal person, but I think Barn Mates gets by thanks to her ability to sincerely explain what she does feel, which is a sense of kinship with Lapis and the desire to help someone in the way she was helped. Even three seasons in, it’s still refreshing to see that this show is more interested in realistic and relatable characters than morals of the week.

Now, communication failure still matters here, and it’s Peridot’s last gesture that I think is most interesting in this regard. While I normally appreciate subtlety on this show (and most shows), I actually think it’s a missed opportunity that Peridot’s “What, were you trapped in a tape recorder too!?” wasn’t met with any variant of “Uh, yes.” Because, yeah, that’s pretty much what Lapis was up to during her imprisonment in The Mirror, and making this clear not only to younger audience members but to Steven and Peridot would continue the episode’s motif of Peridot’s intentions missing the mark in concrete ways. Her letter doubles down on the notion that Lapis was more valuable for her knowledge than herself, the lake clumsily forgets that Lapis was trapped underwater until very recently, and the recorder just as clumsily forgets about Lapis’s longtime inability to speak outside of recordings. It may be fun to “get it” when a plot point is subtle, but I think the episode would benefit from a more explicit escalation.

Especially because without this clear connection to Lapis’s past, her destruction of the recorder and response to Peridot’s heartfelt speech about not being alone goes from understandably irked to outright malicious. Her attitude makes sense, but it’s jarring to see her swing this far from who she was in Same Old World without a solid explanation.

This may be an episode about a tense argument, but this is still Zuke’n’Florido, so we get a ton of laughs to grease the wheels. Steven’s moved from his Guitar Dad style to classic “kid who got into anime” style, and god bless him, he can’t draw hands. This is the sort of characterizing humor I come here for.

It’s already established at this point in the series how good these boarders are at writing for Peridot, who shines in her new conspiratorial role with Steven. But I’m also so glad they’re the ones who introduce us to Peridot and Lapis as a pair: two ornery misfits, one small and antsy, the other tall and angsty, who somehow manage to get along. Lapis may be less overtly comedic than Peridot, but she’s so dramatic in the face of Peridot’s goofiness that the tension itself becomes funny. This is also the premiere of Lapis as the world’s driest water witch: Jennifer Paz’s “But…thanks…for the lake” is a deliciously brutal punchline.

Peridot may have grown a lot since her debut, she’s not exactly at the finish line. Again, she displays no remorse and is bad at communicating, but there’s something so perfectly Peridot about spending an episode trying furiously and impatiently to explain that she’s empathetic and patient now. Even after she magnanimously puts Lapis’s needs first, she comes right back to make it all about herself. This wouldn’t have been half the episode it is if Peridot had things remotely together.

It might be convenient that outside forces come right on time to bring Lapis and Peridot to an understanding, but there was no realistic way that Lapis would ever come around without interference. She’s still super messed up, so it’d be a bit ridiculous for her to start trusting someone who betrayed her after a few faulty gestures and a speech.

I love that after an episode of simmering anger, it’s only with an outburst of rage directed at the Roaming Eye that Lapis is finally able to connect a little with Peridot: this isn’t a perfect relationship, and it shouldn’t get off to a perfect start.

Barn Mates feels very different from both Same Old World and Hit the Diamond, so it’s amazing how seamlessly the three episodes fit together thanks to back-to-back cliffhangers. What’s even more impressive is that this is the second episode in the row that’s largely setup (what Same Old World is to Lapis’s arc, Barn Mates is to Lapis and Peridot’s relationship) but feels watchable in a vacuum. I’ve said before and I’ll probably say again that I wasn’t huge on the first two episodes of this season, but the World/Mates/Diamond trilogy more than makes up for it.

I’ve never been to this…how do you say…school?

So is Steven a teacher or an administrator in this universe? Either way, this is a great picture.

If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have inconsistencies…

How is this episode not called Space Invaders? It’s about two aliens literally invading each others’ space, and ends with a UFO dropping by. It even fits in with our next episode’s title belying its non-cosmic plot. Come on, people.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

The formulaic vignettes and Lapis’s understandable but off-putting attitude would, in most cases, place this pretty low on the rewatch list. And let’s be clear, it isn’t very high either. But it’s saying a lot that an episode with so much theoretically going against it can be this enjoyable.

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens
Mirror Gem
Lion 3: Straight to Video
Alone Together
The Return
Jailbreak
The Answer
Sworn to the Sword
Rose’s Scabbard
Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Winter Forecast
When It Rains
Catch and Release
Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon
Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire
Lion 2 The Movie
Rose’s Room
An Indirect Kiss
Ocean Gem
Space Race
Garnet’s Universe
Warp Tour
The Test
Future Vision
On the Run
Maximum Capacity
Marble Madness
The Message
Political Power
Full Disclosure
Joy Ride
Keeping It Together
We Need to Talk
Cry for Help
Keystone Motel
Back to the Barn
Steven’s Birthday
It Could’ve Been Great
Message Received
Log Date 7 15 2
Same Old World

Like ‘em

Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party
Monster Buddies
Keep Beach City Weird
Watermelon Steven
Open Book
Story for Steven
Shirt Club
Love Letters
Reformed
Rising Tides, Crashing Skies
Onion Friend
Historical Friction
Friend Ship
Nightmare Hospital
Too Far
Barn Mates

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion
Joking Victim
Secret Team
Say Uncle
Super Watermelon Island
Gem Drill

No Thanks!

Episode 81: Same Old World

”I’ve got nowhere to go.”

It’s impossible to overstate how important Mirror Gem was in redirecting the entire series from the daily adventures of a magical kid to a long-term story about (among other things) how sins of the past loom over the present. But I’ve certainly tried! I’ve gone on about the episode’s impact at length in multiple reviews, but it bears repeating again here, because Same Old World is where Lapis Lazuli finally starts to shift from Important Character to regular fixture.

For someone that leaves such a lasting impression, we don’t see much of Lapis until Season 3. After she flies away healed in Ocean Gem, we catch a glimpse of her in The Message, where she once again has a huge impact for her small amount of time on screen. This frantic, confused version of Lapis is what we’ll get in The Return and Jailbreak and Chille Tid, but we see her get angrier with each appearance as she’s forced to face trial after trial. Her suffering was supposed to be over, but it just keeps happening, and by the time she’s finally free again it makes sense that her first instinct is to get the hell off this planet.

But the saddest thing about Lapis isn’t her horrible luck, even if her ordeals are arguably more intense than any other character’s. It’s that she’s had to face these ordeals alone. The Crystal Gems and the Off-Colors are ragtag teams of outcasts, but they still have each other. Homeworlders like the Diamonds and their underlings, even the wandering Jasper, fit in just fine with an established society. Peridot makes a relatively smooth transition from the latter to the former. But Lapis’s comfort zone only exists in a past that will never come back. Steven may be the only Gem with parents, but the tragedy of Lapis Lazuli is that she’s an orphan.

Why does Lapis attach herself so strongly to Steven, to the point where she’s willing to risk everything to protect him from Homeworld? For the same reason she eventually latches onto Jasper despite knowing that it’s toxic: because she has nobody else. And that isolation, rather than the specific injustices she’s faced, is the trauma she’s actually forced to overcome starting in Season 3, beginning with Peridot in our next episode. But for now, Same Old World does a brilliant job establishing who this character is (a lost, lonely soul) and what she needs (a home and a family) so that she can begin to change. And it does this not by showing her wallowing, but rather, for the first time since Ocean Gem, by showing her happy.

It says everything about Lapis that she sincerely enjoys hanging out with Steven. Despite her antisocial tendencies, she doesn’t hate people, she just doesn’t trust them (and for good reason). By freeing her in Mirror Gem and healing her in Ocean Gem, and by bonding with her in both episodes through open-hearted conversation, Steven earned her friendship. And an arc where Lapis finds the strength to open up to others benefits from our knowledge that she’s already capable of doing so, so that’s what Same Old World does. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and knowing this makes it even harder to watch when she stumbles, but all the more rewarding when she starts to come out of her shell around more people.

Lapis’s newfound exuberance is best conveyed by Aivi and Surasshu, who modify her theme (still my favorite) from its typically haunting or mystical tone to a breezy, adventurous anthem. Lapis began as a source of wonder for the audience, so it’s great to see her actually feel that wonder herself as she learns more about the planet that held her prisoner for so long.

Steven’s narration gets funnier and funnier as they travel from the woods to Empire City to Jersey; even a show this sweet can’t help but make fun of New Jersey. While Empire City is a clear blend of New York and Paris, with a little Vegas thrown in judging by the town motto, and this universe has locations like Delmarva and Keystone and Aqua Mexico, I love that Jersey is just…Jersey.

Further signs that this is a setup episode are found in the Empire City segment, and not just because we go back there in Mr. Greg. We’ve already seen Peridot living it up in the barn, and soon enough she and Lapis will be roommates in the way Steven foreshadows here. But more importantly, he’s using the language of television, which Lapis might not understand now, but very soon will.

Of course, an episode where Lapis is chipper throughout would be disingenuous, and boy does this episode deliver on the inevitable gut punch. We get one last moment of whimsy as the two head over the ocean, but the gleeful variant of her theme fades away as they encounter the Galaxy Warp.

Considering the way Pearl left Steven hanging in Rose’s Scabbard, there was a very real chance Lapis would drop him here, and the suspense allows us to feel all the weight of Lapis’s problems rushing back after a day of fun. It might not sound like a big deal, but this episode needs us to switch from happy and peaceful to antsy and pensive within seconds to keep the pacing solid, and it’s amazing that it does so without giving us even a little bit of whiplash.

The return of Lapis’s hollow eyes is a nice touch, and leads us into a flashback that efficiently and stylishly shows us the depths of our hero’s misfortune. She wasn’t a Homeworld zealot but a noncombatant, and her cracking was a complete accident caused by a nameless, unidentifiable Gem. There’s no twist or big moment, simply a series of events outside of her control that built upon each other to ruin her life. This isn’t to say we don’t get lore—the Gem who poofed Lapis is our first glimpse at a bismuth, perhaps the Bismuth, and we see the Diamonds’ corruption attack with a nifty hint of their theme—but the message here is that Lapis’s fate served no great purpose, and wasn’t even an intentional act of punishment. Sometimes life just kicks the shit out of you for no reason.

Lapis is clearly used to it at this point, rejecting Steven’s sweet offer to take a minute to breathe it out, and shrugging off how horrible her life has been before she tries to leave at the beginning of the episode. This isn’t to say she isn’t upset, but there’s a sense that she’s accepted that her life will continue to be miserable no matter what, which is why it’s so important that Steven doesn’t just tell her that she’s welcome on Earth, but that Earth is a place that allows change. He tells somebody who had no control for ages, then went on a power trip as soon as she had the opportunity to dominate somebody else, that she finally has the opportunity to make a healthy choice. And she takes it.

Peridot obviously becomes a bigger factor in our next episode, but she’s established quite well in the first act so that her “surprise” appearance at the end feels earned; why would she have gone away in the day or so that Steven and Lapis went exploring? Lapis’s petulant reaction to sharing her new home with Peridot gives us one last bit of foreshadowing for her arc: her adjustment to Earth almost immediately transforms her into an angsty teen.

I can imagine this characterization disappointed some people; certain fans are bound to insert their own concepts into a character as mysterious as Lapis, which of course makes any divergence from this headcanon a disappointment. But I’ve also heard the argument that Lapis’s Daria Phase comes out of nowhere, which is baffling to me. Really, what better way to portray someone whose life feels like one crisis after another inflicted by forces beyond their control than as a teenager?

Lapis Lazuli rarely displays overt happiness after Same Old World, and will quickly develop a sardonic sense of humor that genuine playfulness occasionally escapes from. But it nonetheless sets the stage for her potential before Barn Mates wisely reminds us that her journey towards trusting others won’t be a walk in the park.

(And then we get a walk in the ballpark. Season 3 picks up quick once it gets rolling.)

Future Vision!

I already mentioned Empire City, Bismuth, and the Diamond Corruption, but it’s also quietly sweet to rewatch this episode after we learn Lapis actually held onto Steven’s leaf in Beta.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Such a great Lapis episode. If it had a song it might be a Runner Up, but it still holds its own through great characterization, great music, and awesome setup for her new arc.

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens
Mirror Gem
Lion 3: Straight to Video
Alone Together
The Return
Jailbreak
The Answer
Sworn to the Sword
Rose’s Scabbard
Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Winter Forecast
When It Rains
Catch and Release
Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon
Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire
Lion 2 The Movie
Rose’s Room
An Indirect Kiss
Ocean Gem
Space Race
Garnet’s Universe
Warp Tour
The Test
Future Vision
On the Run
Maximum Capacity
Marble Madness
The Message
Political Power
Full Disclosure
Joy Ride
Keeping It Together
We Need to Talk
Cry for Help
Keystone Motel
Back to the Barn
Steven’s Birthday
It Could’ve Been Great
Message Received
Log Date 7 15 2
Same Old World

Like ‘em

Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party
Monster Buddies
Keep Beach City Weird
Watermelon Steven
Open Book
Story for Steven
Shirt Club
Love Letters
Reformed
Rising Tides, Crashing Skies
Onion Friend
Historical Friction
Friend Ship
Nightmare Hospital
Too Far

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion
Joking Victim
Secret Team
Say Uncle
Super Watermelon Island
Gem Drill

No Thanks!

Episode 80: Gem Drill

“I’m talking to the Cluster?”

So I finally figured out why I don’t like Gem Drill.

For quite a while, I had it in my head that the issue was pacing. And it does remain true that the episode-to-episode pacing did it no favors, what with the arc it concludes being interrupted by the utterly unrelated Super Watermelon Island

before jumping back in. But because Gem Drill’s third act drags on forever and somehow feels rushed at the same time, I just chalked it up to bad internal pacing and called it a day.

However, rewatching reminded me that there are several episodes that I’ve praised for incredible pacing which actually share a similar structure to this one: Mirror Gem, The Return, and Message Received stand out as stories that speed right through the first two acts for an extended third, and I love them all. And what’s more, I enjoyed the first two acts of Gem Drill way more than I remembered. Something was up with my pacing-as-problem theory.

So immediately after rewatching the episode for review, I rewatched it again. That’s right, I rerewatched it. And it struck me this second time through that the X factor is something I’ve taken so deeply for granted that I haven’t discussed it much, or even really thought about it, until now: Steven Universe has unspeakably terrific dialogue.

Individual lines may stick out more in my memory, and definitely easier to write about in this format (for one thing, I can quote them), which is probably why it hasn’t stuck out as much. It sounds so obvious that I feel sort of dumb even saying it, but this show is so good at developing characters and plot through conversation. It excels at banter and arguments and reassurances and just having people interact in a way that’s always compelling.

The reason I have to mention it now is that something this reliably solid is hard to notice until it’s gone. But sure enough, the conclusion to Gem Drill (and what’s worse, to the Cluster Arc as a whole) is nearly four minutes of Steven talking to an entity that can barely talk back, and it just does not work. He might be astonished that he’s talking to the Cluster, but this episode falters because he isn’t talking with the Cluster.

Compare this to Mirror Gem, The Return, and Message Received, where we use the extended third acts to have major conversations with Lapis, the Homeworld Gems, and Yellow Diamond. You can’t have that sort of satisfying ending when one of the characters isn’t even a character, but a jumble of nearly incomprehensible voices. And what sucks is that making the Cluster “talk” this way is a perfectly reasonable creative choice: it should sound like a jumble of nearly incomprehensible voices.

But the show is usually way better at getting around limitations like this to create compelling television. I know this is a journey of the mind and that Steven is special, but we still could have included Peridot with a wave of the narrative wand to continue their low-key debate about necessary force and commit more to the theme through conversation, where the show shines. Barring that, we could’ve used music to add narrative oomph to a one-sided conversation, which would’ve been especially interesting with such a discordant legion of potential singers. Instead, we get a finale that’s just…

It’s just boring.

And it’s frustrating because I think it’s boring of me to just write “it’s boring,” but lord, this scene is so uninteresting to me that it’s hard to find the energy to write about it. Zach Callison is always great, and the animation is gorgeous, but takes sooooo lonnnnnnnng for the scene to convey something it could’ve done in half the time, and there’s nothing to distract us from how long it’s taking. There’s barely any tension despite this clearly being the intention, because there’s only one character in the scene that I care about and he’s obviously not going to die because the show’s named after him. I guess Peridot’s in danger, but maybe we’d care about that if we could see her in danger instead of generic rumblings and loud noises.

If this criticism sounds similar to my spiel about caring about Malachite in Super Watermelon Island because she came out of nowhere, it’s because both episodes share a similar character problem. A show about empathy falls apart when the viewer is apathetic, and giving major plot importance to poorly handled characters is a go-to formula for viewer apathy. For a series that’s usually so reliable at both characters and dialogue, it’s shocking that we end the first arc where our heroes literally save the world with back-to-back episodes that are this weak. The buildup was awesome, and the rest of Season 3 is amazing, but this is a bizarre pair of misfires in the middle of a hot streak, and it couldn’t have come in a worse time in terms of the plot.

Please note that I’m not remotely against a conclusion where Steven saves the world by talking it out. I am all about this message, especially because the rest of the episode does an amazing job presenting Peridot’s brutal pragmatism as the alternative: while her blithe penchant for violence makes for a few great jokes, particularly when it comes to D-pads, the line of the episode is Shelby Rabara’s somber justification for attacking a mindless being: “It doesn’t matter if it knows what it’s doing, it’s still going to do it.” And while Super Watermelon Island bears a lot of blame for sucking all the momentum out of the Cluster Arc before Gem Drill valiantly tries to rev us back up, having Steven’s approach come right after a huge brawl does seal the deal. Steven should save the world with kindness. This would be a top-tier episode if the execution was as good as the moral.

With that said, the episode surrounding this disappointing conclusion is fantastic, even if said conclusion blocked it from my memory. We get off to a breakneck start that concisely confirms the stakes before we leap into the plot. It’s not only great at setting the tone, but it efficiently allows the episode time for the lengthened third act, regardless of how that act turns out.

This is a terrific Steven/Peridot episode, thanks to the same great dialogue I was just complaining about the conclusion lacking. They hit just the right balance of humor and heart, with Peridot finally allowing herself to be vulnerable and admit that she not only misses her home, but doesn’t actually hate the Crystal Gems. We’re already paying off “Wow, thanks!” for emotional value, but this touching scene is still played with laughs instead of pure sap; I love that Peridot feels the need to clarify how little she cares about humans that aren’t Steven in her last words.

Still, I’d love to see an alternative universe where Super Watermelon Island and Gem Drill were made as a full-length episode a la Bismuth rather than a traditional two-parter. Perhaps a more direct juxtaposition of the action of Alexandrite fighting Malachite with Steven talking things out would’ve improved both scenes, and in any case, spending more time setting up before we reached both conclusions would have added more tension than the rush both episodes give us. This is clearly an A-plot and a B-plot that could happen more or less simultaneously; Steven could easily black out in the drill to let him possess a Watermelon Steven, and it would make the team’s split-up make a bit more sense. I dunno, it just seems like any sort of rework would be preferable to the finished products we got.

So yeah, sorry to be so down on these two. But I’m pretty excited to be getting back to episodes I like, and I can’t really think of what the next bad one on the horizon even is. Season 3 ahoy!

Future Vision!

I love love love the recurring plot point that Blue and Yellow Diamond don’t know that the Cluster was neutralized. Because for one, of course they wouldn’t, and for two, it’s the impetus for their appearance in Reunited. All the Cluster needs is a thumbs-up to add more character than Gem Drill did in an entire episode.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Definitely a step up from Super Watermelon Island, and I like a good two-thirds of it, but I’m still not a fan of Gem Drill. The ending just isn’t captivating, which is pretty bare minimum for any entertainment medium, and it’s a disappointing conclusion to an otherwise outstanding arc. At least we still have Message Received for an emotional climax.

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens
Mirror Gem
Lion 3: Straight to Video
Alone Together
The Return
Jailbreak
The Answer
Sworn to the Sword
Rose’s Scabbard
Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Winter Forecast
When It Rains
Catch and Release
Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon
Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire
Lion 2 The Movie
Rose’s Room
An Indirect Kiss
Ocean Gem
Space Race
Garnet’s Universe
Warp Tour
The Test
Future Vision
On the Run
Maximum Capacity
Marble Madness
The Message
Political Power
Full Disclosure
Joy Ride
Keeping It Together
We Need to Talk
Cry for Help
Keystone Motel
Back to the Barn
Steven’s Birthday
It Could’ve Been Great
Message Received
Log Date 7 15 2

Like ‘em

Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party
Monster Buddies
Keep Beach City Weird
Watermelon Steven
Open Book
Story for Steven
Shirt Club
Love Letters
Reformed
Rising Tides, Crashing Skies
Onion Friend
Historical Friction
Friend Ship
Nightmare Hospital
Too Far

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion
Joking Victim
Secret Team
Say Uncle
Super Watermelon Island
Gem Drill

No Thanks!

(As with Super Watermelon Island, there’s no official promo art, so I’m using this nifty piece of fanart by Nina Rosa.)

Episode 79: Super Watermelon Island

“Hey! Don’t forget about me!”

(If you don’t want spoilers for a movie that came out in 2009 based on a book that came out in 2005, go right ahead to the next image, but more importantly, read more books. Love, a children’s librarian.)

I’ve never been big on nitpicking for the sake of nitpicking, so it’s always notable to me when my ability to suspend disbelief is legitimately thrown off by a seemingly minor issue. What bugs me isn’t necessarily the clumsiness, but the laziness: all-around poor plotting is one thing, but when a problem in an otherwise decent work could have been fixed very easily with a bit more forethought, it drives me up the wall. My go-to example for this is the film version of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, when Snape dramatically reveals that he’s the titular Prince.

This is supposed to be a huge climactic moment, but, uh, Snape has no idea that Harry has been looking for the Half-Blood Prince. The film not only cuts out several key elements from the book that help Snape figure out that Harry’s been reading his old textbook, but the reveal is rephrased to only make sense if Snape knows how much the Half-Blood Prince means to Harry. Compare:

Book: “You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? It was I who invented them — I, the Half-Blood Prince!”

vs.

Film: “You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? Yes, I am the Half-Blood Prince.”

This scene could have been fixed by literally a single line of dialogue wherever the filmmakers wanted. At any point after Harry gets the book, he could mention the Half-Blood Prince within earshot of Snape. Harry could speak of it when Snape fixes up Malfoy after our first Sectumsempra. Anything. Anything. With even an ounce of foreshadowing, Snape’s admission has some serious oomph. But instead, what should be a major moment in the story feels like it came out of nowhere.

And yeah, that’s Super Watermelon Island for you.

It’s not the episode’s fault that we’ve only focused on Malachite once since her debut. Or that aside from Chille Tid and off-handed comments in Love Letters and Nightmare Hospital, we literally haven’t mentioned her in all of Season 2; the name “Malachite” has been spoken a grand total of twice until now. It’s not the episode’s fault that we’re right at the end of the Cluster Arc, which has nothing to do with Malachite and is revving towards a wholly unrelated conclusion.

Season 3 is fantastic, and Lapis is a big part of that. Not just because she’s a great character who adds a fascinating new dynamic to the cast, but because of what she represents: the new fluidity of the status quo, reinforcing Peridot’s opening of the proverbial floodgates. By that metric, getting rid of Malachite ASAP is a necessary evil to allow new stories. It just sucks, a lot, that a show defined by its incredible effort and planning feels this lazy about it.

To its credit, Super Watermelon Island does try to work with what it’s got. Malachite only has three notable traits coming into this episode (she’s scary, she’s made of two Gems that don’t get along, and Jasper hates Steven) and all three are on display. That last one’s more about Jasper than Malachite, but apparently Lapis is fine with her partner’s ritualistic destruction of Steven effigies considering Malachite goes to town on that watermelon without much of a struggle, so I’ll be nice and let that count. (Again, the episode tries to work with what it’s got.)

Malachite is otherwise portrayed as a being in conflict, with Jasper having to convince Lapis to work together after breaking free of her bondage. This is a good call, and I appreciate that the impetus for their attitudes finally syncing up is a fight against the Crystal Gems. Lapis has hated our heroes (minus Steven) since her very first episode, so with Steven back at the barn she has no reason not to stage an Ocean Gem rematch.

The fight is visually amazing, a well-choreographed kaiju brawl between two superfusions letting loose. I love the way Alexandrite fluidly swaps between the clever fused weaponry of Opal, Sugilite, and Sardonyx, and while Jasper’s side only really emerges in a Sonic spindash, Lapis’s water powers get a nice showcase in this ocean setting. Buuuut…

I don’t really care?

I don’t care about Malachite right now, because even though she had an awesome debut and a terrific aesthetic (including her amazing discordant theme), she arrives right out of the blue, and feels so random that we don’t get any of the dread that makes monstrous villains like this so watchable. I don’t care about Alexandrite because she’s frankly the most boring fusion with speaking lines; even the largely silent Opal is defined by her combination of power and elegance, while Alexandrite is just a big ole monster. I don’t care about what’s happening on this island because the show has just spent eight episodes in a row priming us for a wholly different cataclysm. It’s a great fight. The team worked really hard on it. But thanks to the environment that Super Watermelon Island is crammed into, I just don’t care.

I can’t help but think that with a little more time spent on Malachite, even if it was just talking about her in the same way the returning Homeworlders are talked about at the end of Season 1, this whole episode would’ve carried far more weight. It didn’t even have to be that much; just a few comments here and there to keep Malachite fresh in the characters’ minds would’ve done the trick. Again, there’s no sense of dread leading up to this confrontation, and without any real stakes it just feels like a generic good guy versus bad guy fight. It’s a problem with an easy solution that for whatever reason wasn’t solved.

It doesn’t help that the events leading to and resulting from the fight feel so contrived. Sure, Steven just happens to dream-possess a Watermelon Steven and find Jasper right when the team is prepared to drill, eliminating the three senior Crystal Gems from the Cluster confrontation. The fight happens to destroy the Warp Pad, ensuring these Gems aren’t coming back (why Steven can’t try to send Lion is a whole other issue). Jasper happens to slip out of grasp, so we can have her pop in later this season.

On the one hand, all of those complaints arguably count as those nitpicks I was just saying I don’t like. But that’s the thing about shoddy plotting: once you’re jolted out of the zone, it gets harder and harder to ignore other issues in the story. There are plenty of little plot holes in any show, Steven Universe included (for instance, why does Greg have a farmer’s tan if he’s always wearing a tank top?), but considering how good the show usually is, I either let them go or don’t even notice. Episodes with issues as prominent as Malachite’s don’t get away with nearly as much.

Now, this doesn’t mean there’s nothing good about Super Watermelon Island. We’ve barely even talked about the Watermelons themselves, which are easily the best part of the episode. The society is absurd but adorable, and Zach Callison is amazing at voicing a fruit that’s incapable of speech. Leaning into the absurdity was a great move; if we’re already fine with them having sacrificial ceremonies and statues and dogs, why not give them bows and catapults and hang gliders? Where Malachite’s part of the story strains my suspension of disbelief, the melons are so delightful that I can go right back to suspending.

This is a banner episode for Aivi and Surasshu, who get to play with three very different leitmotifs. Malachite’s aforementioned theme blends with Alexandrite’s own jumble of instruments throughout the first half of the fight, but the winner here is the lovely Watermelon theme. It dominates the peaceful opening sequence, then comes back in full force for the second half of the fight, turning the tide with an adorable interruption to the badassery.

Finally, as I said, the fight looks amazing. The animation in general is great, especially the focus on our Gems’ triple fusion dance (Garnet even snaps her finger like a boss). But the highlight of highlights is the incredible final blow, evoking and one-upping Laser Light Cannon with panache. With a better story around it, this could’ve been one of the greats.

While the problems of this episode run too deep for me to chalk it off as a bad first impression, it would be disingenuous to say that my disappointment wasn’t compounded by the lengthy hiatus between the end of Season 2 and the beginning of Season 3. Just as more time spent focusing on Malachite would have raised the stakes, utter silence for months raised the anticipation for a major event. Moreover, the spoiled appearance of Lapis meant that this break was sort of ruined anyway by knowing that Malachite was due for a break-up.

On the other hand, the fact that this is a season premiere doesn’t matter too much to me in terms of building expectations. I discuss the seasons as officially identified purely to have a shared vocabulary to avoid confusion; in my mind, this show is best digested in 50-odd episode chunks (Chunk 1 being Gem Glow through Jailbreak, Chunk 2 being Full Disclosure through Bubbled, and Chunk 3 being Kindergarten Kid through Legs from Here to Homeworld). It’s arbitrary to have Season 1 be double the size of future seasons, so Super Watermelon Island’s status as a premiere carries little weight.

Still, this should have felt important, and instead it’s a table-setting episode first and a character-based conflict fiftieth. Lapis was out of the picture and we needed her back but she was stuck in that pesky fusion, so the crew gets her out of there so they can move right along. So let’s move right along.

Future Vision

I’d consider Melon Dog to be Pumpkin’s half-sibling who’s like thirty years older and already has kids. Closely related, but otherwise distant. One’s got a rind and one’s got a shell, one’s a fruit and one’s a vegetable, but they’re both good plant-dogs.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

I’m thrilled for anyone who liked this episode. It sucks to be disappointed, and I’d rather have people disagree with me than have a bunch of disappointed people. But yeah, by my reckoning the treatment of Malachite is the biggest blunder in Steven Universe (even if, to be fair, there isn’t much competition for blunders on such a good show).

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens
Mirror Gem
Lion 3: Straight to Video
Alone Together
The Return
Jailbreak
The Answer
Sworn to the Sword
Rose’s Scabbard
Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Winter Forecast
When It Rains
Catch and Release
Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon
Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire
Lion 2 The Movie
Rose’s Room
An Indirect Kiss
Ocean Gem
Space Race
Garnet’s Universe
Warp Tour
The Test
Future Vision
On the Run
Maximum Capacity
Marble Madness
The Message
Political Power
Full Disclosure
Joy Ride
Keeping It Together
We Need to Talk
Cry for Help
Keystone Motel
Back to the Barn
Steven’s Birthday
It Could’ve Been Great
Message Received
Log Date 7 15 2

Like ‘em

Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party
Monster Buddies
Keep Beach City Weird
Watermelon Steven
Open Book
Story for Steven
Shirt Club
Love Letters
Reformed
Rising Tides, Crashing Skies
Onion Friend
Historical Friction
Friend Ship
Nightmare Hospital
Too Far

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion
Joking Victim
Secret Team
Say Uncle
Super Watermelon Island

No Thanks!

(No official promo art, but crew member Aleth Romanillos made this amazing image for the Steven Zine.)

Episode 78: Log Date 7 15 2

“She still has a lot to learn about our planet.”

Cooldown episodes tend to be underrated, as they’re right next to big bombastic moments that merit such cooldowns. House Guest is bad for its own reasons, but episodes like Full Disclosure and Kindergarten Kid do an excellent job of just taking a moment to breathe and process. The Cluster Arc isn’t over quite yet, but the emotional high point certainly is, and I’m thrilled that it’s followed by Log Date 7 15 2.

This is a simple episode full of humor and heart, in a way that’s honestly difficult to write about, because the temptation is always “oh man it was so funny when ____ happened” in such comedy-centric outings. But this is still Steven Universe, so there’s still something deeper even in a wacky pseudo-clipshow like this.

If we’re going to move forward with Peridot’s development, it’s nice to take one last look at how much she’s grown, which this episode does brilliantly. And if we’re honest about making Peridot a true member of the team, it’s necessary to address her fusionphobia.

This is Garnet’s Peridot Episode, and the culmination of her Season 2/3 arc (she’s the only Gem who actually gets to finish in Season 2!), in which she gains resilience against oppressive anti-fusion mentalities. In Keeping It Together, she encounters the heinous perversion of fusion that creates the Cluster Gems, and in the Week of Sardonyx, she faces betrayal from her oldest living friend. In the former incident she nearly comes apart, and in the latter she does come apart, but after absorbing these events and sharing a more positive story of fusion with Steven in The Answer, she’s able to deal with Peridot’s toxic attitude with grace.

It’s an unusual arc, because despite resilience being a good thing, Garnet isn’t wrong to react the way she does in Keeping It Together and the Week of Sardonyx. She’s completely entitled to her pain, and to her expression of that pain. It takes a ton of strength to deal with a bigot with patience, but I very much doubt the crew’s message here is that having negative reactions to bigotry makes you weak. Not everyone can deal with the Peridots of the world the way Garnet does here, and frankly, if you’re the one being discriminated against, it is not your job to educate people on how to not be terrible.

Garnet’s ability to do this benefits from Log Date 7 15 2 airing at the end of her arc. We know from past episodes that her patience has limits: she gets fed up with Peridot in When It Rains and Too Far and It Could’ve Been Great, so this isn’t some unrealistic paragon of grace we’re talking about. You don’t have to like somebody to be patient with them, and showing that Garnet has never liked Peridot makes their newfound bond much more meaningful.

Moreover, we have a concrete reason for Garnet to change her approach to Peridot. This is the episode where Peridot inadvertently shares with Garnet what she already shared with Amethyst at the end of Too Far: that she wants to understand. There’s a different between a bigot determined to hate and a bigot who seeks to learn, and while the latter is no ray of sunshine, it’s certainly a better starting point for the conversation.

The scene where Garnet makes this discovery is remarkably subtle considering how broad its humor is. Peridot’s methodology to see whether humans can fly is childish and clumsy, but think about her point of view. Yes, it’s silly to think that an animal with a very different body than a winged insect could fly, but her only exposure to humans until now has been Steven, who has superhuman strength thanks to his Gem heritage. Otherwise, every other humanoid she’s ever met has been a full Gem, and peridots themselves are especially sturdy. So even if Greg is unlikely to fly, Peridot has no reason to think pushing him a relatively short distance might hurt him.

Garnet’s natural response is anger, but she takes Peridot’s “Well how was I supposed to know that?” to heart. From there, this could’ve been an episode where Garnet teaches Peridot the ways of Earth, but thankfully we eschew the preachiness this would involve and instead get a ridiculous comedy episode where Garnet pops in on Peridot’s antics with quiet affirmation.

Garnet’s suggestion to fuse works terrifically as the episode’s climax, ending with the episode’s strongest plot point: Garnet referring to herself as Percy and Pierre. It gives her seemingly random appearances in other clips meaning beyond comic relief, because it shows that she’s been paying close attention to Peridot and used her interests to better communicate. Garnet appreciates that Peridot is trying to understand her, and expresses this by making an effort to understand Peridot.

I really can’t emphasize enough how funny I find this episode, but I love how well the comedy is used to flesh out the characters. Peridot’s erratic emotional state at the beginning of the episode (culminating in Shelby Rabara’s jolly “No!”) is hilarious, but it also does wonders to show how she feels about her harrowing rejection of Yellow Diamond. Florido’n’Zuke, as always, make the most of Peridot’s inner raccoon to give us great physical comedy, but it constantly reminds us how awkward and antsy our little gremlin still is. Her very first “Wow, thanks!” is a punchline, but it only takes two episodes for it to become a heartwarming acceptance of love.

Even the episode’s unusual format serves the comedy and the characters simultaneously. The zipping around in time allows for quick jokes that build on each other to create callback humor, but the conceit of Peridot’s recorder gives us the rare episode with a narrator (linking this episode with Steven Bomb opener The Answer). Care was clearly taken to make sure her commentary doesn’t tell at the expense of showing: we can see, for instance, that Peridot is bashful around Amethyst and patronizing to Pearl before her jokey narration confirms her analyses of them.

Log Date 7 15 2 is, above all else, a relief. Like Peace and Love on the Planet Earth, it’s refreshing to see sustained levity in a season full of stress, but unlike Peace and Love on the Planet Earth, this is an entire episode of that without another shoe that drops. Yes, we’re about to hit more drama as the third season begins, but this episode will hold us over nicely on the comedy front until the legendary Hit the Diamond knocks it out of the park.

Future Vision!

This spot is reserved for when Peridot finally gets her star, move along.

Not sure how intentional this is, but Garnet and Peridot’s positioning during their present-day conversation has some serious Mindful Education vibes.

I’ve never been to this…how do you say…school?

Okay wait how are Pearl and Amethyst and Opal all around at the same time? Is this a different opal, or are you telling me that the Floridoverse isn’t grounded in strict logic?

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

I really love this episode, and it’s pretty high up in terms of rewatch, but it’s not quite enough to crack the Top Fifteen. Still, it definitely would make the cut were it not for the glut of amazing episodes.

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens
Mirror Gem
Lion 3: Straight to Video
Alone Together
The Return
Jailbreak
The Answer
Sworn to the Sword
Rose’s Scabbard
Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Winter Forecast
When It Rains
Catch and Release
Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon
Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire
Lion 2 The Movie
Rose’s Room
An Indirect Kiss
Ocean Gem
Space Race
Garnet’s Universe
Warp Tour
The Test
Future Vision
On the Run
Maximum Capacity
Marble Madness
The Message
Political Power
Full Disclosure
Joy Ride
Keeping It Together
We Need to Talk
Cry for Help
Keystone Motel
Back to the Barn
Steven’s Birthday
It Could’ve Been Great
Message Received
Log Date 7 15 2

Like ‘em

Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party
Monster Buddies
Keep Beach City Weird
Watermelon Steven
Open Book
Story for Steven
Shirt Club
Love Letters
Reformed
Rising Tides, Crashing Skies
Onion Friend
Historical Friction
Friend Ship
Nightmare Hospital
Too Far

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion
Joking Victim
Secret Team
Say Uncle

No Thanks!

Episode 77: Message Received

“I’ll take it from here.”

Like The Answer, watching this episode makes me vividly think back to my immediate reaction when it first aired. Or rather, what I was like the next day. This was during my bookstore years, where I was allowed to go full-blown nerd at work because I wasn’t an authority figure for elementary schoolers who might get scared of my fervor, and I basically gushed to my unconverted colleagues with my brand-new pitch for Steven Universe. See, before Message Received, the way I described the show was along the lines of:

After Message Received, the way I described the show was along the lines of:

It’s awesome that Aimee Mann and Nikki Minaj voice guest characters. But it’s incredible that Patti LuPone is on this show. Mann and Minaj are stars, but LuPone is a legend. There are plenty of great voice actors that could’ve nailed Yellow Diamond, but not many of them have won multiple Tonies and Grammies. This is like Meryl Streep showing up on Adventure Time.

And this isn’t a one-off character, either. Yellow Diamond might not be the villain of Steven Universe, but she’s a long-term antagonist and will continue to be a major factor in the Homeworld element of the show. Yellow Diamond has been foreshadowed since fellow penultimate-episode-of-the-season The Return, and after a hint of Blue Diamond in The Answer and the general slow burn of lore reveals, it’s shocking to actually meet her this soon. And we will! But in an embarrassment of riches, this episode is special for reasons beyond featuring a stage icon, so let’s detour to the beginning.

It Could’ve Been Great and Message Received create genuine doubt in the future in a way that few other episodes do, and a big part of that is that even Peridot doesn’t know what she’ll do next.

It’s strange, because Peridot doesn’t have nearly the same depth as the rest of the main cast yet, but the stakes here are still the highest they’ll get in the first two seasons, because there’s not enough status quo to hint at how this will play out. Jasper may destabilize Garnet in The Return, but we know she’ll come back. Garnet and Pearl may not be speaking after Cry for Help, but they will eventually make up. But Peridot began as a villain, has shown nothing but loyalty to her Diamond, and hasn’t even been on great terms with the Crystal Gems for their brief period of partnership. There was a very real chance that she was going to turn here.

(Unless you got spoiled by Cartoon Network leaking a promo of Peridot talking with Lapis at the barn during the week this episode aired, which also, y’know, spoiled that Lapis was gonna come back. Good thing the channel learned its lesson and never leaked anything ever again after this.)

Peridot is loyal to Homeworld through and through, but she’s also loyal to life on Earth now, and truly believes that “the most perfect, the most reasonable, rational, efficient decider ever to exist in the universe” will listen to her logical plan for using Earth’s resources without destroying it. And it makes sense that she doesn’t just tell the Crystal Gems her plan: she tries, but she’s terrible at communicating and thinks they’re too dumb to grasp how she’s going to save their planet for them. It’s an excellent use of her character’s lingering ambiguity, and has her finally making a choice based not on logic or pragmatism, but emotion.

Still, despite her moment in the sun, Steven gets plenty to do here. This is the first time his intuition has been this wrong, that his positive outlook and willingness to befriend his enemies has backfired this badly. Things might work out in the end, but I love how much time is taken to show how much Peridot’s betrayal still hurts in the moment. He’s grown so much since Gem Glow, and it really stings to be made to feel like a naive child again.

The Gems’ reactions to Peridot’s betrayal speak to their characters, in that they’re in line with how they think and that they’re imperfect means of comforting Steven. Amethyst just gets mad, and Pearl “helpfully” tells him that he can feel awful about himself after they’ve sorted out the situation. But Garnet’s speech about the value of patience is the trickiest response, because one could argue that she’s not wrong: in the real world, you’re gonna get let down if you try to see the best in everyone.

But considering the outcome of the episode, I’m not sure that’s the takeaway here. Yes, it’ll do you good to not have blind faith in everyone, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to have faith in as many people as you can. It’s hard, and you’ve gotta steel yourself for disappointment, but every now and then a Peridot will surprise you.

The first two episodes of Season 3 have what I consider to be pretty major pacing problems, both as individual episodes and within the context of the series. It’s all the more obvious when compared to Message Received, which pulls a Steven Universe classic by flying through the first two acts without losing track of the episode’s core concept (in this case, that the Crystal Gems are too emotional and Peridot thinks she can fix things with logic) to give an extended third act. We need to take our time with Yellow Diamond, and I’m continually impressed by the show’s ability to draw out important scenes like this within the confines of eleven minute chunks.

Everything about Yellow Diamond’s introduction is incredible. And I mean everything: before the communicator even shows a full image, Aivi and Surasshu are setting the stage with a frantic rush of the four-note Diamond Motif that slows into a variant of the unearthly sonic sensation that we heard just three episodes ago while meeting Blue Diamond. Both pieces of music intentionally drone on a bit when you listen to them without a scene to accompany them, but seriously, take a few minutes to hear Yellow’s all the way through. It’s drowned out by Patti LuPone in the scene, but it does amazing work ramping up the tension.

Anyway, after the image finally clears up, we see…a pearl. Our second new pearl of the week. And where Blue Pearl was eerie and quiet, Yellow Pearl is straight-up Lucy Van Pelt as an alien: an irritable fussbudget with delusions of self-importance. Her first impression is so strong that seeing her immediately deflate into deference when addressed by Yellow Diamond tells us everything we need to know about who the biggest fish in the sea really is.

Yellow Diamond is intimidating without the slightest bit of effort. She doesn’t even bother to look away from her work until she realizes what planet our Peridot is on. For all of Peri’s praise, she means absolutely nothing to her beloved leader (and, as seen in Reunited, will continue meaning nothing after the conversation ends).

I already talked up Patti LuPone, but seriously, I’m not sure who else could imbue half as much disdain in the word “organic.” Even before she loses her temper, Yellow Diamond’s cold disgust shows that what her subordinates might see as perfection is actually imperiousness. When Peridot questions her objectivity, Yellow assumes she’s questioning her authority. She can handle the gnat-like annoyance of a measly peridot interrupting her work, but the instant a subordinate tries to think for herself is the instant Yellow Diamond gets out of her chair.

In an interview with Rebecca Sugar and Ian Jones-Quartey, Peridot’s use of the term “clod” is revealed to have originated from Jones-Quartey parodying conceited intellectuals like Richard Dawkins trying to convince people to listen to them while simultaneously insulting them (”Evolution is real, you clod!”). The explanation struck a chord with me: I don’t care what the message is or how right you are, you’ll never make anyone change their mind by being a jerk. Peridot, for has long as we’ve known her, has been that jerk.

Through that lens, Peridot calling Yellow Diamond a clod is even greater than simply redirecting a catchphrase against an unexpected target. The word is always used when Peridot is asserting her intelligence over someone she sees as drastically inferior, and after seeing how much she admired Yellow Diamond, it’s downright empowering to see her use the word to reject her leader’s intellectual authority.

This scene gets even better after Too Short to Ride, where we learn that the peridots of Peridot’s generation are small and powerless (or so she thinks) because of dwindling resources. She’s not just arguing on behalf of Earth for the sake of organic life, she’s making the case for using potential resources to help her own kind, and Yellow Diamond explicitly says that she doesn’t care.

This isn’t the end of Peridot’s character development, but the beginning of a new stage. She’s officially done with Homeworld, and while that might cause her to groan so loud that you can hear it from space, Steven’s happy enough for both of them. It might be a while before she gets her star, but from this point onward, she’s a Crystal Gem.

Future Vision!

How the heck does someone like Peridot have such easy access to a Diamond? Because, as we’ll learn as we find out more about the moon base, she’s probably using the same communicator Pink did to talk to her sisters.
Not every pearl knows each other, but Pearl does know Yellow Pearl.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

A terrific pseudo-finale, even if cooldown episode Log Date 7 15 2 slips in to take that spot (although some sources say The Answer was the finale and Ian Jones-Quartey sees Message Received as a midseason finale, which is actually more in line with my view of Steven Universe working as a show with 50-ish episode chunks, so who even knows. Regardless, the episode still entertains even when knowing how it ends on rewatch. .

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens
Mirror Gem
Lion 3: Straight to Video
Alone Together
The Return
Jailbreak
The Answer
Sworn to the Sword
Rose’s Scabbard
Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Winter Forecast
When It Rains
Catch and Release
Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon
Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire
Lion 2 The Movie
Rose’s Room
An Indirect Kiss
Ocean Gem
Space Race
Garnet’s Universe
Warp Tour
The Test
Future Vision
On the Run
Maximum Capacity
Marble Madness
The Message
Political Power
Full Disclosure
Joy Ride
Keeping It Together
We Need to Talk
Cry for Help
Keystone Motel
Back to the Barn
Steven’s Birthday
It Could’ve Been Great
Message Received

Like ‘em

Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party
Monster Buddies
Keep Beach City Weird
Watermelon Steven
Open Book
Story for Steven
Shirt Club
Love Letters
Reformed
Rising Tides, Crashing Skies
Onion Friend
Historical Friction
Friend Ship
Nightmare Hospital
Too Far

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion
Joking Victim
Secret Team
Say Uncle

No Thanks!

Episode 76: It Could’ve Been Great

“Is there anything that’s worth more?”

I’m not sure I’ve ever been as immediately excited about this show as I was when I realized Peridot was about to sing. Bear in mind that I’m saying this two episodes after The Answer.

The buildup is amazing. It’s straight out of a musical, blending spoken word with diegetic instrumentation and discussing music in a silly, informative way that all but guarantees an imminent song. Peridot gets a goofy sight gag with her key, showing the heightened reality that comes with the territory of bursting into song. And before her beautifully hesitant try at singing “Life and death and love and birth,” Shelby Rabara gets to read the most matter-of-fact “Do mi so ti” in the history of solfège to remind us of how much of a dork she is.

The song itself lives up to the promise we’ve been primed for: Steven’s burst of giddy laughter and encouragement after Peridot’s verse says it all. Season 2 has been a pretty rough ride: we’ve got the Crystal Gems’ dramatic arc-starters of Reformed and Sworn to the Sword and Keeping It Together, then We Need to Talk to introduce our first explicit depiction of Rose’s deep flaws, then Chille Tid to stress Steven out too, then the Week of Sardonyx for the whole team to feel bad, then Nightmare Hospital to upset Connie, Sadie’s Song to upset Sadie, and all the anxiety and bigotry that comes with Peridot joining the crew. The Answer is happy, but in a serene, important way, before Steven’s Birthday brings us more angst. It’s about time we get an extended scene overflowing with pure, exhilarating joy.

It’s so marvelous, in fact, that we’re tricked into thinking the song’s central question is rhetorical. It’s a no-brainer for Steven and the Crystal Gems as they sing along, but for Peridot, is there anything that’s worth more than peace and love on the planet Earth? Turns out that’s a hard maybe.

The one thing standing in the way of Peridot becoming a true Crystal Gem is a test of resolve, an opportunity to abandon them and Earth, making her status as the newest Crystal Gem a matter of choice instead of necessity. And that’s exactly what we get. In Message Received. But until then, we get an entire episode between this joyous opening and the decision that pits Peridot’s interests against our heroes’, and it’s…okay.

Mainly, the episode feels real short. The Answer and Steven’s Birthday and Message Received have a lot going on, but It Could’ve Been Great is essentially an awesome song and then a load of setup. We get that setup in a cool new environment and with some nifty narrative tricks, but it’s still an episode defined more by exposition than an emotional arc. It just feels like the first half of something; I mean, it is the first half of something, but Mirror Gem and The Return are too, and are far more complete on their own. Even Cry for Help gets a resolution of sorts within its non-ending ending by addressing the difficulty of life’s lack of easy resolutions.

It Could’ve Been Great is still decent, largely because the table setting that it’s built upon never feels clumsy or boring. Even the explanation for why Steven floats on the moon flows naturally: Amethyst is not only the Gem most interested in goofing around, but the only one who’s never left Earth, so she neatly prompts the discussion. And exposition lets Peridot be snobby again after the sweetness of Peace and Love on the Planet Earth. Like the Pearlsplaining days of yore, the crew turns what could be a rote infodump into something that characterizes the speaker.

Moreover, we aren’t just setting up for what these characters are about to do. No, this is a huge episode in terms of the greater lore, starting with the fact that we finally hear the Great Diamond Authority referred to by name—too bad Ronaldo’s stuck on Earth (but not really (but I actually would like to see him in space at one point (but not now))). We’ve seen the Diamond Authority emblem before, occasionally with the pink segment damaged, but its prominence here all but confirms that the last two Diamonds are Pink and White. Moreover, we see what must be White Diamond in the background as they climb, ominously wreathed by more planets than Blue or Yellow, leaving Pink the only unseen member of the quartet.

This sort of storytelling is similar to how the show peels back the layers of Onion’s family. We get a slow drip of explicit clues (that Onion’s dad is a fisherman with a similar speech pattern, that Sour Cream’s stepfather is that fisherman) and fuel for some logical connections (Sour Cream and Onion go together, a Vidalia is a type of onion, Marty is into music and looks like Sour Cream) until we’ve solved the mystery well before the “reveal” of how they’re all related.

We don’t hear Pink Diamond’s name until Earthlings, but that didn’t stop everyone from knowing she exists. Years passed between fans figuring out White Diamond’s name and her official name reveal. But the hints are rationed out in a way that lets us know what’s happening well before Steven does. It’s different than the Garnet-as-fusion or Rose-as-Pink twists, which also had plenty of clues: here the crew isn’t hiding anything, they’re just not spelling things out right away. It’s a tantalizing method of worldbuilding that I get such a kick out of, and makes the inevitable confirmation of facts we’ve deduced oh so satisfying.

Peridot’s devotion to Yellow Diamond has more immediate ramifications than the rest of the Diamond lore, but despite her gushing she’s surprisingly tactful when Garnet scoffs at the notion that all Gems live to serve the Diamonds. Past episodes would’ve seen her furious at this slight on her beloved matriarch, especially when the Gem she’s the least comfortable with is the one doing the slighting, but she instead cedes in awkward but neutral language that some Gems decided against lives of servitude.

This says a lot about how much Peridot has grown, but also about how pumped she is throughout their romp on the Moon Base. She’s nervously chuckling throughout her Perisplaining to Steven and while sneaking aboard the throne, but her best moment comes with a laugh that suggests Shelby Rabara might actually be a cross between a cat and a leprechaun with a whirring fan perched right by her mouth:

Perhaps this excitement is what makes her put her guard down enough to revert to her old self. After getting teased by a mystery room between the ground floor and the control center, Peridot gets one last moment of rule-breaking excitement when she takes a seat on a Diamond’s chair with Steven. But that’s just about the end of her rebel streak, as her enthusiasm flows right into session of nerding out about how awesome Homeworld’s plans for Earth were.

It’s not like we’re super far removed from Peridot as a villain at this point, and even if we were, all of her episodes showcase her antagonism. But after Peace and Love on the Planet Earth and a few minutes of friendly silliness, the show brilliantly manages to make her fawning over a desiccated Earth feel like whiplash. There are a few other episodes named for lines spoken within the episode (When it Rains and That Will Be All come to mind), but this is the only one so far with no alternate meaning; When it Rains also evokes a common expression and describes an event within the story, and That Will Be All is a recurring phrase that also references the conclusion of this particular story arc. It Could’ve Been Great is unique in its extreme specificity, zeroing in on the most important line of the episode in a way I try to do in my own headers. And yeah, it probably would’ve been my header if the rotten crew hadn’t beaten me to the punch.

(Huh, wonder what Pearl thinks of this evil plan to destroy Earth? Thank goodness Rose Quartz was there to stop Pink Diamond from going through with it.)

Peridot’s problem is that she still thinks stripping Earth bare is a better alternative to its current trajectory. Part of this is the morality she’s been conditioned to believe her entire life, valuing Gemkind above all else. And part of this is a sense that the organic life on the planet is doomed anyway, so the Gems might as well have used it for themselves. But between her blunt lack of filter and genuine excitement about the horrific mutation of Earth, the Crystal Gems have every right to be upset. And then she goes and bashes Rose Quartz while standing on her own chair.

It’s a line she hadn’t crossed before, and the worst part is that she’s actually, uh, right. Logically speaking. If Peridot hadn’t warned the Crystal Gems about the Cluster, Pink’s war would have traded the lives of an untold amount of new Gems for a few measly millennia of organic life only for all of it to die prematurely regardless. It’s telling that Garnet meets this logic with an emotional show of force, rather than any sort of counterargument; winning a logical argument with better logic would do nothing to address Peridot’s core problem, which is her overly logical worldview. And it’s critical to set this worldview up so that she can be let down with Yellow Diamond, paragon of logic, turns out to be just as emotional as the Crystal Gems.

The final argument also lets Steven play mediator one last time before Peridot sneaks away the communicator. First he tries defusing the situation by calling back to Peace and Love on the Planet Earth, but Garnet’s not in the mood to defuse, so he switches to a more direct plea for peace. Then when it’s just him and Peridot, even after her condemnation of his mother (which sparked his very first moment of visible anger all the way back in Lars and the Cool Kids), he tries once again to make her understand the Crystal Gems’ point of view with the power of heart.

While there’s no resolution in the episode itself, this late focus on Steven’s magnanimity towards Peridot is perfectly timed to make her betrayal hit hard. It saves Steven’s anger for the very last shot of the episode: after vouching for her for five episodes and sticking up for her even when she goes as far as she does here, her loyalties still aren’t clear.

(Unless you watched this live, in which case Cartoon Network spoiled that Peridot would stay on good terms with Steven and that Lapis would join up by leaking a promo for an episode they wouldn’t air for half a year. All it took was five mistimed seconds to suck all the tension out of this cliffhanger. Ugh.)

There’s honestly not that much else to say about It Could’ve Been Great. The setup’s great, but it’s practically all setup. We do get a weird moment of Pearl being super showy in her monologue about the Diamond Base’s location, only to shut Steven down when he matches her enthusiasm. So that’s something? And Lion is relevant to the plot for the first time in a while—out of the 26-29 episodes of Season 2 (depending on whether you count Open Book, Shirt Club, and Story for Steven), Lion appears in a grand total of six, and roartal hopping to the moon is by far his biggest moment of the season.

The good news is that there’s a ton to say about Message Received, but this is an episode-by-episode reviewing format, and as such I gotta say I’m a little disappointed. Together, It Could’ve Been Great and Message Received are spectacular, but when one of them simply stops without resolving, it just

Future Vision!

The Cluster was inserted beneath the Beta Kindergarten, which apparently is in the American Southwest and is much less impressive than Amethyst’s. Maybe one day we’ll see it and/or have a Wile E. Coyote cartoon set there?
Amethyst almost blows the Crystal Gems out of the Moon Base, but it’s actually Garnet and Pearl (as Sardonyx) who space Steven in companion episode Back to the Moon.
Jungle Moon is an eerie and distant sequel that retroactively makes the projected plans for Earth somehow feel even more sinister.
When Peridot is trying to make the stairs appear, they happen to start working the moment Pearl approaches. Almost as if she’d been there before.
We’ll see more of the mysterious ignored room in Can’t Go Back and Now We’re Only Falling Apart. Turns out it’s used for spying! Just don’t call it spying, that would make Lapis feel bad.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

This is a very similar episode to Beta, where despite a conclusion that left me wanting, it’s salvaged by an early Peridot-centric sequence that ranks among the best scenes in the series. It Could’ve Been Great could’ve been great, but it’s still pretty good.

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens
Mirror Gem
Lion 3: Straight to Video
Alone Together
The Return
Jailbreak
The Answer
Sworn to the Sword
Rose’s Scabbard
Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Winter Forecast
When It Rains
Catch and Release
Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon
Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire
Lion 2 The Movie
Rose’s Room
An Indirect Kiss
Ocean Gem
Space Race
Garnet’s Universe
Warp Tour
The Test
Future Vision
On the Run
Maximum Capacity
Marble Madness
The Message
Political Power
Full Disclosure
Joy Ride
Keeping It Together
We Need to Talk
Cry for Help
Keystone Motel
Back to the Barn
Steven’s Birthday
It Could’ve Been Great

Like ‘em

Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party
Monster Buddies
Keep Beach City Weird
Watermelon Steven
Open Book
Story for Steven
Shirt Club
Love Letters
Reformed
Rising Tides, Crashing Skies
Onion Friend
Historical Friction
Friend Ship
Nightmare Hospital
Too Far

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion
Joking Victim
Secret Team
Say Uncle

No Thanks!

Episode 75: Steven’s Birthday

“Looks like you stagnated there a little bit, buddy.”

My brother is nearly two years older than me, but due to his summer birthday we were only a grade apart in school. My sister is exactly two years and eight days younger than me. One of the many things you get to have as a middle child, particularly when the ages are so close together, is a sense of innate value in being slightly older.

There have been several moments in my post-high school life when, for various reasons, I’ve assumed that certain peers were older than me. Whenever I learn that these age impostors are actually younger, it rocks me to my core. I just have this semi-conscious sense of deference to people who are a little bit older, and I swear my internal reaction to learning that I’m the older one is always “Well then why the hell was I respecting you so much?”

I acknowledge that this is absurd, especially because I don’t expect that kind of deference from my younger peers (this could be due to my sister’s low tolerance for my BS, I dunno). In practice, I’m not even consciously nicer to people I think are older; as far as I’m aware, it’s entirely in my head. But there’s still a tiny sense of rank that comes with age order that I’m not sure I’ll ever shake.

This is all to say that I’ve never related more deeply with Connie Maheswaran than I do in Steven’s Birthday.

I mentioned in my post on Nightmare Hospital how much I appreciate the specifics we get on this show, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we first learn Steven and Connie’s exact ages (as well as Greg’s age at the time of Story for Steven) in another Connie-centric episode. The Gems don’t care about specifics, because they live so long that everything just kind of goes together. But humans—especially the kids in the audience—care a lot about detail, and this is ultimately an episode about Steven’s humanity.

And yeah, it’s weird that Steven is 14. Or rather, that he was 12 and 13 for as long as we’ve known him; considering Steven’s Birthday is after the second Beach-a-Palooza we’ve seen on this show, I assume he had another birthday that we didn’t get to see. If this kid was going to school, this show would be taking place from seventh through ninth grade. Yikes!

But this reaction is the point. We’re meant to be shocked. 14-year-olds tend not to act like Steven, for better (they tend to be savvier) and for worse (they tend to be ~~terrified of being earnest and hide their insecurities with attitude~~ meaner). Despite the character development we’ve seen from Steven, he’s still firmly in kid mode. Part of that is the realities of a show with set character designs (cue the fandom complaints about inconsistent sizes*); note that he still doesn’t physically change after this episode outside of different storyboarders having different styles. But in-universe, it also has to do with a continued mindset that he’s pursuing equal footing with the Crystal Gems. If his life is defined by pursuit, he’ll never actually reach the goal.

As I’ve maintained since all the way back in Bubble Buddies, Connie is an agent of change. She’s Steven’s prompt to start growing up for real, and Steven’s Birthday has nice little nods to many of the ways they’ve developed together so far. They toast with durian juiceboxes, the same gross fruit drink that caused An Indirect Kiss. Greg offers Connie a ride home in the van, which is the bulk of Winter Forecast, and in that same ride Connie talks about the practice with Pearl that began in Sworn to the Sword. There’s a big dancing scene a la Alone Together. Connie even broaches the possibility of skirting movie theater law, and despite retracting the suggestion, she was all about sneaking food in Lion 2: The Movie (her vision of Dogcopter in the stars is icing on that cookie cake).

After Nightmare Hospital’s friendship episode, we jump right back to romantic subtext here. I don’t know too many platonic friends who slow dance until one does a vintage foot pop, or who assume they’ll be married when one of them is president, or who just blush this much in general. It makes a ton of sense to go for this angle in an episode about getting older, but more importantly, awww.

This is the first time subtle relationship angst has been introduced to their dynamic: unlike Connie freaking out about Steven’s family in Fusion Cuisine or Steven trying to ice Connie out in Full Disclosure, the tension between these two spends the whole episode simmering but never surfaces in a big way. It just manifests in awkward discomfort, which actually does manage to make me believe that Steven is 14 now. While they don’t dwell on it too much, Connie is clearly more attracted to Tall Steven than Regular Steven, and I think he knows it. If you’re not a young teen already, imagine being a young teen again and knowing you could make your crush like you, but it caused physical pain. Yeah, not too surprising Steven goes for it.

(If you’re younger than a young teen, get off Tumblr right this instant and read a book. Love, an elementary school librarian.)

On top of looking taller, Zach Callison drops closer to his regular speaking voice to complete the illusion of Steven’s growth; like companion episode Too Many Birthdays, he gets to show off a vocal range that Steven usually doesn’t have. While Too Many Birthdays does show that Steven has some control over his age, and didn’t actually have to stretch it out here, I like the implication that despite wanting to look older for Connie, he still doesn’t feel older quite yet. And he gets a nifty (if unsubtle) lesson about being himself at the end when his mature decision to stop altering himself is rewarded with his first puny facial hair. (As someone whose father could grow a full beard in high school but who himself had nothing but peach fuzz until after college, I feel you, Steven.)

Lamar Abrams and Katie Mitroff manage to thread the needle on Connie, who has to balance the role of being a good friend against being the root of Steven’s body issues. She easily could’ve delved into Fusion Cuisine levels of unsympathetic, but it’s clear that her feelings about Steven’s appearance stem more from concern than anything else. Yes, she does like his taller form, but she never intentionally pressures him to maintain it and fully accepts his regular form. She even wants to hang out with his baby form! I wouldn’t have actually minded if her worry manifested in getting a little upset with him, as this would be a natural reaction to Steven’s condition and Connie isn’t perfect, but she cares more about who Steven is than what he looks like, which is just the kind of friend/crush he needs.

Connie also gets a nice amount of bonding time with Greg, with an explicit reference to their roles as the most important human beings in Steven’s life that we got from We Need to Talk. I love how Greg’s doting fatherhood is something that Steven is probably still super into, but is only embarrassed by because Connie’s around; he’s right at the cusp, but he’s still a kid. But through Greg’s interactions with Connie, we see that his Dad Mode isn’t restricted to goofy shows of affection, and he’s willing to get serious when a kid that isn’t even his is upset. Just as we could’ve had an episode where Connie was more of a jerk, Steven’s quiet abandonment of his cape and crown could’ve made for some painful interactions with Greg. I’m so glad that Abrams and Mitroff are content with how uncomfortable the core premise of the episode is and don’t feel the need to shove in additional drama.

Also, while it’s clear from the extended theme song and implied in other Greg episodes, this is the first in-show confirmation that Greg initially raised Steven on his own. It comes with yet another callback, this time to Laser Light Cannon as we crank up Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart, and it’s heartwarming to think about those early days of Greg and Baby Steven in an episode that’s so focused on the question of Steven’s humanity. Three Gems and a Baby will show the sorts of challenges Greg actually faced, but it also reinforces what we learn here: that for all their cosmic wisdom, Steven needed a human to raise him first. Not even Garnet pulling faces can do what Greg does.

The method by which Steven adjusts his form actually turns Steven’s Birthday into a low-key Amethyst Episode (I love how this show is willing to pick certain Gems to focus on even when all three are still background characters). Garnet and Pearl don’t have the body issues that Amethyst now shares with Steven, especially concerning the use of shapeshifting to combat a feeling that they’re too small. Amethyst introduces the concept while stretching to hang up a banner with an explicit caveat that she can’t stay stretched forever, and when she confronts him after catching his secret (aided by him helpfully stating aloud what his secret is), you get a sense that she knows all too well how much it hurts to try to permanently hold a bigger form. In a true Amethyst Episode, this might lead to a reveal that she once attempted what Steven’s doing now (which we do see a bit of in Reformed but not in the “stretching of a base form” sense), but here, it’s left to the imagination.

Amethyst also gets that great reveal as a car seat, which I can’t unsee now but was surprised by in my first viewing due to the focus on Connie and Greg. It’s not only a fun little joke, but it gives Greg a reason to have a baby seat handy. Considering he’s a hoarder and the barn is full of old junk, we could’ve seen a regular seat without comment, but the crew doesn’t waste the opportunity for a sight gag.

There is one thing that’s absent from Steven’s Birthday that I’m surprised by. Considering our last episode (which takes place just hours before this one) was a story about, among other things, how Garnet met Rose, it’s interesting that nobody points out the other anniversary this day represents. Steven’s birth directly correlates with Rose’s death, but neither Greg nor the Gems (not even Pearl!) seem to care. This isn’t a criticism of the episode at all: Abrams and Mitroff wanted to tell a completely different story, and there’s no way to do justice to “Gems think about Rose’s death on Steven’s special day” without making that the focus of the episode. I just think it’s an intriguing indicator of the show’s priorities. Rose is important, but in the moment the Gems see Steven as more important, and that’s pretty neat.

Anyway, it’ll be a couple more seasons until Steven and Connie get another big dose of teen-specific angst with the devastating Breakup Arc, and I doubt it’s a coincidence that their reconciliation in Kevin Party comes with Steven’s pink button-down. Still, in retrospect, the awkwardness we see here actually primes us for a different relationship: Peridot and Lapis’s. The former is awkwardness incarnate, and when we finally get to know the latter outside of crisis mode, it turns out she’s a surly teen. Together, they sate the show’s new appetite for adolescent drama between Steven’s Birthday and Dewey Wins, culminating in Lapis dumping Peridot (because as I literally just said, the Breakup Arc is devastating).

Shifting the teen relationship to another duo is such a smart path for the show to take, because it lets us retain focus on Steven’s identity as a growing child without abandoning the new storytelling possibilities that Steven’s Birthday suggests. It’s not as if Steven doesn’t gain any maturity until Dewey Wins—Amethyst’s arc is all about how he’s more or less caught up with her, and she’s a bit of a surly teen herself—but there’s enough Gem drama at the moment that Steven and Connie’s relationship still works best without tremendous complications.

Future Vision!

Maybe Pearl doesn’t want to hold Baby Steven because of that time she almost killed him in Three Gems and a Baby?
Steven’s facial hair might not have many new appearances, but Jungle Moon teaches us that Stevonnie gets full stubble when they’re fused long enough. And we do see it briefly in Reunited, complete with the shaving kit that explains why it’s rarely on his face. Gotta keep that chin smooth!

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Steven’s discomfort expands to the viewing experience as well, and while it’s good to portray awkwardness well in situations like these, I’m not huge on rewatching it. Also, I hit my major growth spurt between fifth and sixth grade (and by major I mean I was six feet tall in sixth grade and just stuck with that height), and you don’t grow that fast without some serious back aches, so this one doesn’t just bring an intentional cringe factor, but memories of acute physical pain.

But I mean sure besides that it’s pretty good.

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens
Mirror Gem
Lion 3: Straight to Video
Alone Together
The Return
Jailbreak
The Answer
Sworn to the Sword
Rose’s Scabbard
Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Winter Forecast
When It Rains
Catch and Release
Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon
Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire
Lion 2 The Movie
Rose’s Room
An Indirect Kiss
Ocean Gem
Space Race
Garnet’s Universe
Warp Tour
The Test
Future Vision
On the Run
Maximum Capacity
Marble Madness
The Message
Political Power
Full Disclosure
Joy Ride
Keeping It Together
We Need to Talk
Cry for Help
Keystone Motel
Back to the Barn
Steven’s Birthday

Like ‘em

Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party
Monster Buddies
Keep Beach City Weird
Watermelon Steven
Open Book
Story for Steven
Shirt Club
Love Letters
Reformed
Rising Tides, Crashing Skies
Onion Friend
Historical Friction
Friend Ship
Nightmare Hospital
Too Far

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion
Joking Victim
Secret Team
Say Uncle

No Thanks!

Episode 74: The Answer

“The Earth. Five thousand seven hundred and fifty years ago.”

I waited over two years to write this review.

This is the point in the show at which I first started writing these posts, in January of 2016, at the onset of a post-season hiatus. The Steven Bomb beginning with The Answer and ending with Log Date 7 15 2 had just aired, Cartoon Network ruined that Lapis would join up in a botched promo, and there were no new episodes on the horizon: the previous hiatus was 81 days long, so I didn’t anticipate anything new for a while and decided to write about the show as a project for the inevitable wait. (The hiatus before Super Watermelon Island would end up being a whopping 125 days, a record that was broken by 2017′s absurd 164-day drought between Lars’s Head and Dewey Wins. Cartoon Network is the worst.)

I’d be lying if I said a major factor in starting this blog in the first place wasn’t this episode. The Answer was immediately and obviously special. The only times we’d seen Ruby and Sapphire up to that point had been catastrophes, but despite the drama of an apocalyptic monster in the future and a rebellion for Earth in the past, and despite the inherent anxiety of any time spent with the sentient boiling kettle that is Ruby, this episode gives us something we haven’t had since Lion 3: a quiet, soothing break. There have been quiet moments, like the snowfall in Winter Forecast, and soothing moments, like Steven hanging with the Cool Kids in Joy Ride, but rare is the full episode that feels like a nice exhale. And importantly, as they showed in Lion 3, this is a crew that knows a calm episode isn’t a boring one.

Let’s start with the visuals, which are so cool. The episode is a flashback that puts all my stylistic qualms with Story for Steven to rest. Lamar Abrams and Katie Mitroff tell an animated story set in the distant past by evoking animation from the distant past (“distant” being relative given the youth of cartoons as a medium). There’s the obvious Disney references (particularly Sleeping Beauty’s woodland waltz and focus on red and blue; my roommate also sees a lot of Robin Hood in the dance), but before the woods there’s the Cloud Arena, and before Disney films there’s Prince Achmed.

And this style fits right into the storytelling. The palette is muted and rigid on the Cloud Arena, with each Gem only displaying basic coloration, and the principal characters only standing out because they aren’t monochrome silhouettes like everyone else. But then an especially colorful rough draft of Garnet changes everything, showing a character that can be two colors at once. And when Ruby and Sapphire land on Earth, the vivid reintroduction of full color is compounded by beautiful nature shots as Ruby and Sapphire fall in love with Earth and each other.

Steven Universe gets a lot of well-earned credit for normalizing queer relationships, but frankly if its only contribution was The Answer it would still be revolutionary, because nothing is more normalizing than a fairy tale. Garnet presents a past so ancient that it might as well be “Once upon a time,” and despite her claim in Love Letters that love at first sight doesn’t exist, that’s pretty much what we see. This is a simple story about a hero rescuing a maiden, told twice and with each lead getting a chance at each role. It uses this fairy tale lens and leans in just a little to the sexism in the passive female role to ultimately subvert it.

Sapphire is essentially a damsel in distress at the beginning of The Answer. She’s introduced as a high-class Gem loyal to a liege (whom we’ll get to, don’t worry), so inactive that she’s okay with getting seriously wounded in an attack without putting up a fight. Erica Luttrell somehow tops her other portrayals of Sapphire’s overwhelming calmness, which is crucial to the character’s serene take on fate. She knows everything will be fine, so there’s no use in worrying about it or being gloomily nihilistic.

Ruby is introduced as part of a trio, and this is the very first time we see multiple identical Gems. Rubies are common, as is implied in past episodes, and it says a lot about them that our Ruby is the reasonable one, mediating between her pugnacious peers. She’s a warrior Gem, but a low-class one whose need for fusion lends some weight to Jasper’s claim that it’s a cheap tactic to make weak Gems stronger. This sense of “cheapness” is amplified when we see what happens when the same Gems fuse: they just get bigger, and size is everything to this culture.

Anyway, the expectations we have from classic fairy tales tell us that Ruby, the fighter, is going to save Sapphire, the damsel. And she does! She defies fate itself to protect her charge, and through some truly magical animation, Garnet is born.

But then, immediately, Sapphire saves Ruby right back. We’re suddenly presented with the story of a noble who must protect a poor maiden from a wicked royal; slightly different structure, but a fairy tale plot nonetheless. It makes sense that Sapphire would be shaken by the sudden interruption of a life dictated by fate, but it says everything we need to know about her that her instinct (probably the very first instinct she’s ever had, given her oracular sight) is to defy her life’s role and save someone who needs help.

(By the way, my favorite Miyazaki movie is Castle in the Sky, so this whole escape sequence is pretty great for me.)

Garnet’s narration starts to slow down as Ruby and Sapphire are allowed to talk to each other. Rain introduces two more foreign Gems to an unfamiliar world a la Peridot, and we get a nice moment with each of their elemental powers. When the weight of indecision makes Sapphire freeze, Ruby yanks her back into the present. When Ruby’s attraction to our favorite cyclops makes literal sparks, they use it to stay warm. Their fire and ice aren’t just symbolism of their characters, but are used to bring them closer together. We’ve got eleven minutes here, it’s all about efficient storytelling.

That efficiency allows for a prolonged silent moment of reflection by the fire, focusing on their gems with flashes to Garnet before their conversation really gets rolling (during which Luttrell gives Sapphire a more emotional range and Charlyne Yi lets Ruby be confused and antsy without being angry about it). And, of course, it builds to a song:

I mean, what is there to say that you don’t know? It’s hesitant and gorgeous and just plain romantic, and then it pulls an emotional fast one by having their slow fusion dance introduced by a harmonized humming of Stronger Than You’s melody. Maybe this isn’t love at first sight, maybe this montage took a while in real time, but despite the whole point of the episode, these two certainly seem fated to be together.

And then right away we get an Aivi and Surasshu classic, the aptly-named The Answer. All it takes is those first four notes on the piano to send a chill down my spine. We only see a sword, but Pearl is so tied to piano music that we instantly know it’s her, and that’s all thanks to these composers putting in the work on character theming. The shot of Garnet looking up at her with that piano, alongside Estelle’s brilliant narration, manages to make us believe that this is a terrifying renegade.

We meet Rose Quartz, gem-first as usual, as Stronger Than You continues to subtly play in the background. All three of them look frightened by each other, but Rose prioritizes how Garnet feels over what other people might think. Regardless of Rose’s intentions, what matters to Garnet is that somebody accepts her for who she wants to be.

(The only real criticism I have of the episode actually comes right after; the beauty of The Answer and Garnet’s story is so obvious that Steven’s “Wow!” feels self-indulgent to me. Like, I get it, this was great, you don’t need to tell me it was great, especially because Steven didn’t get the visual treat we just did. We could’ve just stopped at “Love” and left it at that.)

Another similarity between The Answer and Lion 3 is that while both zero in hard on the emotional element of the story they’re telling, we get heaps of lore in the background that are hard to ignore. A big part of that is the reveal that Garnet is actually the first heterogem fusion (again, I love the irony that same-Gem fusion is actually the only acceptable version to Homeworld), but the biggest plot development we get is clearly Blue Diamond.

We’ve only heard of Yellow Diamond until now, and seeing another Diamond raises more questions than ever about how exactly Homeworld’s leadership works. Blue Diamond is kept painfully mysterious, hiding under a veil within a palanquin, with Estelle providing her voice. We do eventually see the bottom half of her face, but that’s about it. We know that she’s huge, and that if she’s not overtly cruel, she at least sees rubies as expendable pawns to be destroyed at whim, which also sucks. Her cold authority heavily contrasts with the broken Gem we’ll meet in Steven’s Dream, and prepares us for the menace of Yellow Diamond in a few episodes.

And just listen to this theme. The Diamond Themes are a wonder of musical engineering, created by putting harmonette and strings through a synth to create an intentionally alien sound. It somehow manages to be chill and chilling at the same time, and its variations will continue to impress as we see more of Blue and her sisters.

(Also, I’ll never forget the astonishment I felt in my first watching when I realized that, holy shit, the Gem standing at her side is another pearl.)

Erica Luttrell and Charlyne Yi do great work here, but Estelle once again knocks it out of the part, showing her widest-ever range in her portrayal of two very different Garnets. The storyteller is the one we know well, imbuing a solemn but not unfeeling authority to her tale. But we also see her geek out with Steven in the very beginning in a way we rarely experience, highlighted by her glasses-free smile. It’s weird to think of Garnet as “adorable,” but that pretty much sums her up here.

What’s weirder is thinking of Garnet as timid; even when she’s scared or confused, she projects an aura of self-assuredness in the present. But her awkward first steps are scary and new, and frankly Garnet would be a pretty boring character if her behavior from the beginning of her life was identical to her behavior thousands of years later. Estelle sells her wondrous confusion during her first fusion with barely any lines, and scrambles over herself trying to get a clear answer about what’s happening to her from Rose. The animation and music of Steven Universe is always impressive, but they couldn’t do half as much without such an incredible cast.

There are just so many things to love about this episode. I love how Rose and Pearl manage to turn “We are the Crystal Gems” from theme song lyrics to a badass introduction. I love our little blip of a lapis lazuli (perhaps our Lapis Lazuli?) in the audience. I love that Ruby moves first to save Sapphire, but Sapphire takes the lead when it comes to the dance. I love how unfinished the original Garnet looks, down to her different-toed feet. I love seeing Rose float in a way that seems stylistic but actually becomes a power for Steven. Heck, I love that the show takes seriously Garnet’s joke line that they were going to tell Steven about Ruby and Sapphire on his birthday, and that the next episode is about said birthday.

I never get tired of watching The Answer. It works so well on its own that it almost makes me forget how well it ties into Garnet’s arc of dealing with misunderstandings of fusion. Like, the episode is all about that, but sometimes arcs and plotting just take a backseat when the episode speaks for itself.

That is, until you realize just how important this episode actually is to the history of the planet. It’s hard to watch The Answer in the same way after A Single Pale Rose.

As it turns out, our terrifying renegade Pearl isn’t a renegade at all, and Blue isn’t the only Diamond that changed Garnet’s life here. Because at this point, unbeknownst to the Garnet in the past and the Garnet telling the story, Pearl is doing exactly what she was made for, and the heartwarming advice about never questioning herself was given by a serial liar.

The fairy tale feel of The Answer adds the perfect punch when Pink’s secret is revealed, as Sapphire realizes that her storybook romance is tainted by the truth. The Answer is simple, but love is not, and it’s telling that the immediate fallout to A Single Pale Rose is a five part sequel to this episode. Here we see Rose as an altruistic and purehearted rebel leader, and learning that neither adjective is totally true is shattering. But context does more than cast Pink as selfish and manipulative: she was sincerely moved by Garnet’s fusion, and it redirected her mission from saving Earth to saving outcast Gems as well. As we’ll see time and time again from Steven Universe, you’ve gotta take the good with the bad.

The power of this story is not diminished by the true version of events. Ruby and Sapphire are still perfect for each other, Rose and Pearl really were glad to see Garnet again, and it’s not like the amazing art and music go anywhere. But it’s so gratifying to see a continuation of this fairy tale in the real world, to show that even when the illusion of simplicity is wiped away, love is still the answer.

Future Vision!

I mean see the last few paragraphs for that. Heart of the Crystal Gems is a full sequel to The Answer, complete with Garnet finally getting to talk back to Blue Diamond.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

The only reason The Answer isn’t my favorite episode is that Steven Universe is such an amazing show that it’s even managed to make episodes that are better than The Answer.

(And yes, one of them is Steven and the Stevens, fight me.)

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens
Mirror Gem
Lion 3: Straight to Video
Alone Together
The Return
Jailbreak
The Answer
Sworn to the Sword
Rose’s Scabbard
Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Winter Forecast
When It Rains
Catch and Release
Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon
Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire
Lion 2 The Movie
Rose’s Room
An Indirect Kiss
Ocean Gem
Space Race
Garnet’s Universe
Warp Tour
The Test
Future Vision
On the Run
Maximum Capacity
Marble Madness
The Message
Political Power
Full Disclosure
Joy Ride
Keeping It Together
We Need to Talk
Cry for Help
Keystone Motel
Back to the Barn

Like ‘em

Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party
Monster Buddies
Keep Beach City Weird
Watermelon Steven
Open Book
Story for Steven
Shirt Club
Love Letters
Reformed
Rising Tides, Crashing Skies
Onion Friend
Historical Friction
Friend Ship
Nightmare Hospital
Too Far

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion
Joking Victim
Secret Team
Say Uncle

No Thanks!

Episode 73: Too Far

“I hope you understand. I want to understand.”

Pearl might have a flair for big dramatic moments of antagonism, but on a day-to-day basis, Amethyst has always been the meanest Crystal Gem. This doesn’t mean she’s overtly cruel, as this is a fundamentally sweet show, but it’s not nothing. Her tough exterior can lead to gruffness, her sensitivity can make her lash out, and she’s just sort of a lovable goon even on a good day, reveling in teasing Steven and getting a rise out of Pearl. She’s the friend that always remembers to punch you on your birthday.

I say this because we’re meant to empathize with Amethyst when Peridot merrily needles at all of her insecurities. And I do! The last thing Amethyst needs is for a certified Kindergartener to confirm that she literally came out wrong. She should be a massive brute with a body that matches her attitude, but in her runty frame, all that berserker energy comes off as scrappiness instead. We’ve really gotten to know Amethyst by now, and seeing Peridot dismantle the self-esteem she’s been building up since Reformed is rough stuff.

Buuuuut yeah this is Amethyst’s fault.

Amethyst spends the first half of Too Far making fun of Peridot. The intent here is debatable: an ungenerous reading could say that Amethyst is straight-up bullying her, but I don’t that’s what she meant to do. I’m pretty sure she’s just joshing around like she always does, and this is her teasing olive branch. But regardless of intent, look at this from Peridot’s point of view. She’s a captive of a planet that’s doomed to explode and is stuck working with a team that she’s been fighting until very recently. The leader of this team just put her on a leash, and one of its members is laughing at the way she talks. When they get to Kindergarten, Amethyst calls her a nerd, and even if she doesn’t know what the word is, she shows that she doesn’t like it. Peridot’s then incited to roast Garnet and Steven, which earns laughter and starry-eyed approval.

So we’ve got this hyper-literal stranger who knows she’s being teased, but is also getting laughter for saying what she feels, and gets even more laughter when she bluntly assesses two of Amethyst’s friends, one of whom is right there with them. Why would Peridot think that Amethyst would get upset by continuing these analyses? Especially because she’s saying what she clearly thinks are nice things about Amethyst at first.

Peridot thinks she’s doing the right thing because that’s the model for friendship that Amethyst has presented. Then Amethyst changes the rules, Peridot doesn’t understand, and at the end of the episode she’s made to apologize. But Amethyst, for whatever reason, is not.

Peridot is hardly pure and innocent. The reason she was tied up in the first place was her overt fusionphobia, and even if a bigot doesn’t understand that their toxic views are wrong, they should still be made to stop. (They should also be educated, but we’ll get to that in Log Date 7 15 2.) She hasn’t actually learned her lesson from Back to the Barn, and only reluctantly acknowledges Pearl’s skills. She’s still ornery and is still coming off many, many episodes of being the bad guy.

But it’s made very clear that Peridot doesn’t understand basic things about Earth—that’s the whole impetus for Amethyst messing with her—so it’s super unfair to expect her to understand the nuance of Amethyst’s capricious enjoyment of mean humor. And it’s okay that Amethyst is unfair about this. It’s totally within her character to be hypocritical about this. But that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t apologize for her part of this conflict, and teach all the little Amethysts watching that if your language of friendship is light bullying, you better be able to take what you dish out.

Okay, so that’s my big gripe with Too Far, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like the episode. Even if it doesn’t stick the landing, there’s some terrific character work for Peridot and Amethyst here. Peridot gets a lot more to do, because she’s the one who’s allowed to grow here, but I like how Amethyst gets uncomfortable even when Peridot is praising her as “the only Crystal Gem that’s actually a Gem,” as anything that makes her stick out of place among her family is unwelcome attention. And her ensuing bad mood is played just right: she’s not having a meltdown, she’s just a sullen teenager. Peridot’s gonna appreciate the practice when Lapis comes to town.

But yeah, in terms of growth this is Peridot’s episode through and through. It includes the first appearance of her tape recorder, which allows us an unprecedented level of narration on this voiceover-free show, and this stream-of-consciousness helps quickly develop her in a way that other characters, who’ve had seventy-odd episodes to burn, haven’t needed. It’s our first look into Peridot as a new source of metacommentary, starting with her legendary description of Pearl’s main activities: “Singing, crying, singing while crying.” She’s really starting to settle in and care about what the Crystal Gems think, and it’s cool to see her actually being helpful instead of projecting competence to spite Pearl: taking a drillhead from an injector is a pretty good idea!

I think the coolest thing about this episode is how her desire to please Amethyst gets extra context from Message Received, where we see just how seriously she takes the hierarchy of Homeworld. Her reverence for Yellow Diamond shows that she’s as invested in being a subordinate as she is in lording over Pearl: the notion that every Gem has her place is Peridot’s gospel, so of course she sees Amethyst as “the best Gem here” compared to a pearl, a fusion, a hybrid freak, and a lowly peridot. Even without her explicitly talking about Amethyst’s rank, we see Peridot trying to get on her good side in a way she never does with any other Crystal Gem, Steven included. The same behavior shows up when the Ruby Gang mistakes Amethyst for Jasper in Back to the Moon. This is the sort of thing that makes rewatches so fun.

Despite Amethyst mostly being the cause of the episode’s conflict and a springboard for Peridot to change, we get a lot of groundwork here for her future. It takes a while for her Season 2/3 arc to really rev up: by the time we get to the meat of it in Crack the Whip, Garnet’s and Pearl’s are long done, even though hers actually starts first (Reformed barely precedes Sworn to the Sword and Keeping It Together). But I sort of love that. Because as we learn in Too Far, her issues largely stem from arriving late.

The episode wisely avoids direct comparisons to Jasper, even if it’s easy to leap to that image when Peridot describes the ideal quartz. We also don’t mention an even more obvious comparison, Rose Quartz, whose class is in her name and who we know was gigantic (even though she’s not actually a quartz and is several times larger than she looks). Instead, the knowledge of what these bigger Gems are “supposed” to look like is a ticking time bomb for Amethyst’s self-image, which wasn’t great to begin with. There’s way too much to deal with right now to delve too deeply, but it’s nice to have Too Far set things up here so Amethyst’s inevitable breakdown isn’t out of nowhere.

Garnet is fantastic, obviously. She’s efficiently used for humor and has room for a badass character moment that’s just the right amount of petty. Pearl’s in full work mode, so of course she gets a small freak-out, but her understated competence continues to nicely contrast Peridot’s intensity.

Steven is ever-attentive in his new job as Peridot’s Earth Coach, which honestly does give an in-universe reason for her one-sided apology; I’m sure Amethyst would’ve seen the error of her ways if the show’s conscience was hanging out with her instead. I love that the emotion he coaxes out of Peridot is “smallness,” because that’s how she’s conditioned to see the universe. Big Gems are important, small Gems aren’t. There are obviously exceptions (pearls are tall, but least they’re reedy), but Steven allows her to express herself in her own terms while Amethyst teases her for it. Yes, he still laughs along with Amethyst, because he’s not perfect and also is a kid, but his empathy is what allows for their stirring final exchange.

It is big of Peridot to fully admit that she’s wrong, even if she needs to take baby steps like a prerecorded message to do it. She’s still learning. For me, her apology is what confirms that she has potential as a Crystal Gem, and not just as a friend of Steven’s. It took a couple episodes, but Peridot has gone from experiencing Steven’s overtures of friendship to trying them out for herself. Despite some great storytelling to make us doubt her as the season nears its end, the damage is already done, and her heart has been exposed. She even gets a little moment of star-like hair, which I doubt was the intent, but I love it!

(But guh just apologize already Amethyst. Drives me nuts.)

Future Vision!

Man, Peridot would’ve had a way easier time getting tools from her leash’s radius if she had some sort of, I dunno, metal powers or something.

I’ve never been to this…how do you say…school?

Florido’s High School AU is our main promo art once again; I love the little touch that they’re fighting in the AV room. And that Pearl’s the one who went off to tell an adult.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

There’s so much good here, but sorry, I do think it’s really important that all the Amethyst-like kids out there see a story where they’re actually held accountable for their unintentional riling. So it ranks a little low, but not too far down.

(Not as good as Steven’s drill pun, but what is?)

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens
Mirror Gem
Lion 3: Straight to Video
Alone Together
The Return
Jailbreak
Sworn to the Sword
Rose’s Scabbard
Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Winter Forecast
When It Rains
Catch and Release
Chille Tid
Keeping It Together

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon
Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire
Lion 2 The Movie
Rose’s Room
An Indirect Kiss
Ocean Gem
Space Race
Garnet’s Universe
Warp Tour
The Test
Future Vision
On the Run
Maximum Capacity
Marble Madness
The Message
Political Power
Full Disclosure
Joy Ride
We Need to Talk
Cry for Help
Keystone Motel
Back to the Barn

Like ‘em

Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party
Monster Buddies
Keep Beach City Weird
Watermelon Steven
Open Book
Story for Steven
Shirt Club
Love Letters
Reformed
Rising Tides, Crashing Skies
Onion Friend
Historical Friction
Friend Ship
Nightmare Hospital
Too Far

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion
Joking Victim
Secret Team
Say Uncle

No Thanks!